You cant have the cake and eat it too..

Instance 1: A drive without music..

Just imagine this.. you are in your car, driving at around 10pm on a holiday, after a wonderful candle light dinner (now dont ask-with whom?) through one of the most happening places at 80kmph and you are alone in the car!! There is hardly any traffic, all shops along the street are open and are very well illuminated! You are feeling great about the drive..Just rolling the windows down and the very cool breeze manages to get through your hair.. You are enjoying every damn bit of it..and all alone!

But you are missing something..'The music'! It seems very good till this thought about listening to music gets into your mind..But you can't resist thinking about it especially when you are driving in the night. And this is the moment when you feel so frustrated.. Can someone get some damn kind of music into this car NOW?

Be it any thing..rock, jazz, carnatic, hindi, instrumental...some of these which you actually hate to listen! A lovely drive just got so frustrating without music. I need to buy the stereo soon, but atleast till then, I ensured that I carried my FM radio that plugs into my cell phone when I went out next time for the drive. But this time, you know what happens..there is so much traffic and noise all around that I just didnt feel like listening to music (athough it was very good). I unplugged it! I guess this is what people call: "You can't have the cake and eat it too"! A very simple, but a highly practical example I guess!

Instance 2: When a golden opportunity knocks at your door!

Everyone has or atleast should have goals-call it short term or long term or whatever. As life moves on, rather when you move along with life (!!), priorities do change..thats the 'rule of life'. You dream of something and you have always ensured that you realise your dreams, because there is this one life and only one to do all that you possibly can. As you have got what you wanted, you think that this time also, your dream would get realised. But it doesn't.. for reasons that will become obvious after sometime. You dont crib about it any longer, because you know why....

Like I said, priorities change and you start aiming half-heartedly at your goals. A lot of other changes happen which force you to get less deterministic about a lot of things which you would have been more serious about, otherwise. You let time fly by.. and this opportunity which I call the 'cake' knocks at your door. It lets you rethink. All those thoughts which were lurking somewhere behind the door of your mind are now beginning to surface. Life once again gets frustrating, because I start thinking seriously again- that's very much like me! I start saying: 'Life is a bitch'.. I actually hate myself to the fullest when I define life this way. I am not my true self when I define life this way.

I have the cake right there.. do I want to eat it.. knowing that it will taste good? It is upto me. Now this is the toughest part of it: 'Decision making'. I am in a situation like never before and start doing things that I've never done before: 'Seeking people's advices'. I have always advised people, but have never sought one because I never had to and I have always hated to! What happened to all the confidence that I had in myself? It is only now, I understand that it is not easy to advise yourself! Or is it? It is easy to solve others problems, but why cant people solve mine? Is it because the problems are complicated or atleast I feel that they are! Or is it because my way of thinking and amy approach towards the problem is only a lot complicated!

Anyways, getting back to the cake that I have with me, I have just started to get all the assistance that I need, to decide on whether I should eat it or not. This is making me strengthen my belief in 'destiny'(dont visit this site unless you are hopelessly jobless and if you hate comics- I hate it myself!) that I have always so much believed in, because it is so true, always..and with everyone. It would have been great if I could get a 'sneak preview' of what happens after I eat the cake..if I could virtually travel to the future and get back!
It looks good, I hope that it will taste good too , but for how long and what are the repercussions? There are lots of factors that I need to think about before deciding on anything. Will the taste of it remain for long? Care a damn about the taste.. it is only momentous, but is it gonna be useful? Is it worth it? Will I be able to optimise all the parameters? Time will tell. Again, it is upto me! And it is the toughest of the decisions to make, when it comes to: 'Yes' or 'No'. I wish there was something like: 'Neither' or 'Can't say' or I wish: 'BOTH for equal amounts of time and then I will decide' or some such option. But there are only two logic levels in life: a '1' or a '0'.
I have always believed in this and it has always worked for me: "You can never connect the dots(events that happen in life) looking forwards, you will only be able to connect them looking backwards". So..just believe in this! You might not believe in this for the first time, but when you are able to connect a few of them, trust me..you will start believing in this and it actually makes you feel better. It is good for your health! I mean, for 'the mind'! OK..there is so much to talk about the mind. Not now, I guess this posting has already become a bit too huge. So, some other time...."The mind"!

Solitude: thats a different kind of fun!!

I guess most people would differ in their opinion from that of mine about being or travelling alone. I wonder what people feel when they are totally alone in a new place. It is an experience of a lifetime..which you wish that you forget soon, but you wont be able to! For a moment you feel that you are totally free to do anything that you could possibly do in the world, which you could have probably not done otherwise..You totally forget about all those people who care so much for you.. and most importantly theres no one to give you uninvited advices (wait...you will realise the importance of these advices later)!

While walking along a beach alone..Wow! Thats when you feel that you are realllllly alone! There's not even a person along with you who could take your snap ;-) No fool would want to want to go to a beach alone..but I did(especially after being warned that it is not a safe place)!!!
When you go to have late dinner in a restaurant along a beautiful pool side- the most frustrating moment is when the guy doesnt even give you the menu card because he thinks that you are waiting for someone to join:( This is when you would hate to be alone-while having food in such a beautiful place.
But then shopping alone is a unique experience which you would never forget. You certainly wish that you had someone with you-but thats ok!
Now think of this: You are inside a black Mercedes Benz- It is so 'royal' ish and you are all alone!!!(there is the driver of course!) How would you feel? This is certainly a great feeling-being inside a Mercedez-lovely soft cream coloured seats, you are having an amazing drive and on top of all this, just guess what the people looking at you from outside must be thinking... something great about you. You are so excited-but there is no one along with you. This is a terrible feeling!

These are the thoughts that would probably come to your mind: You would probably wonder what this life is all about..why are you here-alone..and how wonderful it will be if you could find someone who you know of, in this totally lonely place..
All in all, its a great experience that you would never forget. You were all excited initially when you discovered the independence that you have in being alone-then you go through a phase in which you feel lonely- finally when it is coming to an end, you relish it and you feel:
"Solitude-thats a different kind of fun!!!!"