A 'unique' experience of Singapore

Wait. I know what you are thinking. The title of my blog is a bit misleading. Did you think that my experience at Singapore was awesome and mindblowing? Well, not quite. It wasn't a unique experience in that sense. But it was certainly unique- in what sense? Read on..
I had a 20 hour layover at Changi and I had planned to visit Sentosa. I had about 10 hours to visit all the places that I wanted to. I went over to Sentosa that I desperately wanted to visit. But I wasn't quite impressed! The most awesome was the 4D theatre. This was an amazing experience! It was 3.30pm by the time I left Sentosa. I then went shopping in the Arab street. There was so less time and so much to shop. I unfortunately came across this damn cell phone shop. I wanted to buy a cell phone in Japan, but I almost gave up my hope to buy one. When I found this damn shop at the Bugis market, I bought, rather I was made so convinced to buy a Motorola L7 instead of a Sony ericsson(that I wanted to buy). I wasted so much time- atleast 15mins in this shop that I hardly had any time to look at the other shops. I later figured out that the cell phone was a lot less expensive in India and thats why I kept saying that it is a 'damn' phone and a 'damn' shop. It was 5pm by now and it was time to run back.
I know that I havent seen Singapore enough, but my first impression is that it isn't after all that 'great'. Of course, I liked Bugis- probably the biggest "street-shopping" area in Singapore- as it claims itself to be. People have started believing that I am a shopping freak! But, I only stop by each shop and keep spending a couple of dollars. And then I finally end up wondering where all my money went!
I had so less time, I had so much to do and I was able to visit all those places that I wanted to. I had actually not planned to go the 4D theatre, but that experience was the most awesome of all! It was all perfectly timed. I would have probably enjoyed it better if I had more time.
No one would ever want to visit Sentosa in such a 'unique' way as I did, well- sarcastically 'unique'- with such less time in hand and most importantly- all ALONE!! ;-) Never mind. I enjoyed it anyway..

Crappy theories.. brush'em aside!

(Let me forget my philosophy for a while!!)
I read one of the NYTimes articles of 1982 regarding the first of the new unified theories, the Weinberg-Salam theory, which views electromagnetism and the weak interaction as aspects of a single ''electroweak'' interaction. The electroweak interaction would have governed among particles when the universe was at the furious temperatures that existed only during the first hundred-billionth of a second after the big bang! Wow! What an imagination!! The first hundred-billionth of a second after the big bang! Hahaha.. I cant control my laughter. Excuse me please!

(For your information, I wrote to Prof. Steven Weinberg at Texas-that major physics Prof, who wrote the theory that I stated above. Pretty cool dude...I never expected him to reply, but he actually did!)
Disclaimer: Anyway, no offence meant to the Prof or the theory.

All theories begin with an explanation that looks somewhat similar to this:" When the universe was but one billion years old, we watch the galaxies being born in a blaze of blue-white infant stars."(Hahaha.. I am really amazed at the capability of the human mind to imagine such a thing. Hats off!!)
OR
"The universe in these first moments was in a state that physicists call a 'false vacuum' - a state in which it contained no particles but was permeated by energy - out of which the particles precipitated like raindrops congealing from a cloud"(hahaha). For Newton, the vacuum was but nothingness, an empty stage upon which the cosmic drama unfolds.
Who believes in the big bang? It is just an assumption so that based on this, these 'jokers' move ahead and "try" to explain scientifically about the evolution of the universe; haha..

(Ok, serious now.. no more laughing)

Anyway, be it the electroweak interaction or whatever, it all starts from one point- the beginning or big-bang or vacuum or blue infant stars or quantum foam or mass or anything similar. But how do you explain the 'existence' of this mass? (Dont ask me what I mean by existence.. I already told you in the beginning- Let me forget my philosophy for a while!!)
How could this hot mass or whatever have emerged? Does physics have an answer? Or even, talking about the minute sub-atomic particles that constitute matter, how minute are they? How minute can they get? (I know, they keep getting smaller and smaller for no reason!!) Do these exist?

You call them leptons, hadrons, quarks or whatever. Heisenberg's uncertainity principle proved that you can't really predict where you can spot the electron if at all such a thing exists. He himself was unsure! So, how do you explain all this- the origin, the existence, the particles within all these matter? Is it true that the key to understanding the fundamentals of matter and energy lies in understanding the infancy of the universe? Well, in that case, we would never understand it. As Einstein said: "God doesn't play dice"!

Dont give me a crappy reply that you have seen an electron or a quark.. Show me if you have seen one. I can point you to something that makes more sense than that!

Take the minutest particle that science has ever tried to explain. The last time I read about it, it was called the 'quark'. Well, it has been quite sometime since I read about it, so you never know, they might have found something smaller than that and given it a name!! You can go on dividing it till you reach a limit or you can go on expanding something or tracing back something to its ancestor till you reach a point from where you can't go further.

I am not saying that such theories shouldn't be believed. They all can be believed. The big-bang, the electroweak interaction, the theory of parallel universes (Hmm.. its another interesting theory), the sub-atomic world, the quantum physics, the theory of evolution and whatever your mind can imagine. I might create another theory today and will be able to convince more than 90% of the people, I am sure. Believe them- all of these theories, but also know that they are not self-sufficient. Of course, they are all true upto a certain point- till the point where YOUR MIND CAN REACH. Science stops there. Physics stops. The world stops. It looks for a help- an apparent external help at this point.
And what is that, which explains everything? What is that knowing which you feel comfortable that you have found a satisfactory explanation? What is that in which "alone" you can rest? What is that reaching which, you cannot(well.. "need not") go further? Thats the INFINITE! And can you really know it? Well, yeah, but not in the sense of 'knowing'!

We all know that theories don't help and discussions don't help. And.. and... the most powerful electronic/sub-atomic microscopes dont help;-)
Well, you know what I mean..

The complete rain-y experience

I am sure a lot of people love rain and most of them also love to get wet in the rain! And of course, needless to say, I too belong to this category.
But just imagine the fate of the two-wheeler riders in rain. If any of you have had this experience, I am sure most of you would not say that it was one of the wonderful experiences. But it is, indeed, a wonderful experience.

It is very tough especially if you ride in the kind of heavy rain that I rode my two-wheeler in, quite a long time ago. I used to get jealous of the guys driving those cars and I used to feel that they are so comfortable driving in the rain, while I used to try hard to manage avoiding the water from getting on my face. Although I had the helmet, it was still extremely tough to manage to keep my eyes open! It is one of those biggest challenges, especially if you are riding in the traffic-crazy and the most wonderful city of Bangalore! When I said 'most wonderful', that was by no means a sarcastic remark or an exaggeration:-)

Anyway,that was just one experiment that I tried very intentionally- I WANTED to ride in the rain and I rode ~13 kms and I took 1/2 an hour more than what I normally used to take to reach home. Needless to say, everyone at home was damn shocked that I actually rode in the rain! But thats OK, I enjoyed it. (Dont ask me the after-effects of getting drenched for so long! The cold and fever and...)
Then I never got a chance to ride/drive in the rain till recently, when I drove. Yes, I was in the car this time. I recollected that day when I rode my bike and felt jealous of those car drivers. I was feeling that driving was easier as compared to riding. But it was equally difficult, but the advantage is that you get to enjoy the rain and also not get wet. But from the driving point of view, it is not really as easy as I had thought it to be.

I was trying to compare the two experiences and I thought I enjoyed the car experience better. I never drive slow, but this time I was driving intentionally very slow so that I get to stay out there for long! Well, I thought that the experience in rain wasnt complete till I drove in the rain recently- in the heavy rain. Yup, a bit crazy..

When fortune doesnt favor you...

Nope, not a philosophical stuff again! I usually try not to believe in anything like fortune or luck. I am not a believer in astrology either. But sometimes we are forced to believe that apart from talent, hard work, determination, perseverence and what not, there is still some other factor which decides your fate(if you want to call it so) at the end of the day. I am sure you still didnt guess what I am going to talk about today. I am talking about.... Yeah.. come on guess...
Ok, I will give you a hint. I am talking about the Brazilian Grand Prix. Yeah, the final Formula one race of the 2006 season.
And now I am sure, you know who I am talking about and who turned out to be the most unfortunate dude for the last couple of races, just when it required him to be fortunate. It just required him to have some amount of luck, which is exactly what he lacked. Yes, you guessed it right- Michael Schumacher. He is the topic for my today's posting.

Just when it seemed that fortune was favoring Schumi when Alonso's engine blew up in Italy, this time it was Schumi's turn-a Ferrari engine blowing up after nearly 6 years and this was in the Japanese Grand Prix! And the Brazilian Grand Prix was even more painful. Starting with 10th on the grid after a fuel feed problem in the qualifying, he was still looking very determined. He came up to 6th place by the 5th lap or so before trying to overtake Fisichella and in the process ran his tyres over some piece of debris left on the track by a previous car. How unlucky this guy was! However, Ferrari worked up a cool strategy and fueled his car when he came in for a tyre replacement. And when Schumi went back on track, he was the last- the 18th. And his team mate, the Brazilian, the home hero- Felipe Massa was happily leading the race from the front.

And from the 18th on the grid, he probably drove the race of his life. His recovery drive from last to 4th place was mind-blowingly brilliant! There were classic overtakings and some of them towards the end were the best I have ever seen. An amazing last drive. If you watched the race, you would have loved that last overtaking- Schumi overtaking Kimi wheel to wheel. Just making Kimi (who will drive Ferrari next season) a part of a wonderful overtaking. And Schumi was up in 4th place. What else could this guy do? He took every advantage of driving that car, a car that he has driven for 11 years!! Yes, he has been with Ferrari since 1996. He showed what someone could do with that type of a car. No, not that anyone could drive that car so well. Only he could have driven the way he did!

Schumi finally signed off his glorious 16-year long career, probably not quite the way he would have wished. He might not have retired as a world champion in his last race. But 7 world titles to his name and all records that could be possibly made in a formula one career, what more could he have asked for?
"He" knows and the world knows that he is LEGEND. And the world will probably not see a professional racer like him. No, not even Alonso, not even Kimi. They cant even get close to him.

Obviously an emotional seven-time world champion said he was proud to have spent 11 years with Ferrari – the longest any driver has remained at any one team.

He spoke thus:
"My racing career comes to an end. Obviously, it is a special moment for me and I am proud to have lived my career with some fantastic people, namely everyone who is part of the Ferrari family. There is so much I could say about them, but it is difficult to find the right words".

For any of you die-hard Schumi fans, I am sure you know this site- you can find quite a lot of snaps here and here.

And who cares even if fortune doesnt favor you on a particular day. It doesnt change the opinion that the world has on you. A legend will remain a legend and no fortune can change that.

The Formula one world will miss Schumi. However, we look forward to seeing him get involved with Formula one and Ferrari- a team that he loves working with- in one way or the other in future. I am sure he will!

limit {mind(x)} as x--> infinity

No, this is not any math question. I just read a question that was asked to someone: "Why doesnt the earth fall?"

Most answers were something like: "God holds it so that it doesnt fall!!" or "Thats the beauty of God's creation". Yeah right.. Just think of this: God spent so much time to design an earth like this and for having created it, this poor guy has to hold it also!! He certainly wouldnt have wanted to! (By the way, I am not an atheist)
Anyways, we always attribute anything that we do not know and anything that we do not want to know to "God"(whoever created this word 'God', hats off to him! The human mind just utilises this word so perfectly at times) When something goes wrong, we blame it on God. When we can't answer some question or cannot think of something, we say: "Well, God doesnt want me to know". When we ask any question about the creation, we say that God created it. But when something great happens, what do we say? We say: "Yes! Finally 'I' acheived it." The God concept disappears all of a sudden then!

Anyway coming back to the question that I mentioned in the beginning, one of the replies was: "Where should the earth fall?"!!

Yes, it is in an infinite space, as it were, and in infinity, where should it fall? Does infinity have dimensions? Is there an upward or downward or directions associated with it? Does the word "fall" make any sense at all? Because 'fall' mostly means 'down', and where is this 'down' in infinite space?

Our basic problem is that the 'mind' cannot imagine anything infinity. It tries to give a 'form' to the infinity which is ridiculous! It is not the fault of the mind. Because mind itself is within this limited space and time. It obviously cannot imagine anything further. People say that you can imagine something beyond this limitation of space and time. But I feel that this statement itself is wrong. Because, 'imagination' is referred to the mind and the mind cannot go beyond this space and time. And if it does, then it will no longer be called a mind. Rather, it would no longer exist.
So, the statement itself was wrong.

Anyway, the meaning behind the title of this posting is that, we might try and imagine any thing infinite through our minds, but again and again, we imagine the infinity as a 'thing', as a 'form'. But infinity cannot have a form! However, the mind cannot help but think of it as a form, as a thing. We say: "An infinite thing"- like I mentioned a few sentences earlier. The sentence is wrong. It (be it whatever) cannot be an 'infinity' and a 'thing' at the same time!

So, the limitation is really the mind. What we see is but the infinity within this limitation called mind. Everything that we see and enjoy is within this limitation and we refuse to go beyond/think beyond. We can think of it this way: "If within this limitation of 'the inifnity', we apparently seem to see so much happiness, how much happiness will we find in that infinity!"
Do we ever think of this? We dont. "Because our mind doesnt let us think beyond. We will never be able to go beyond. I will die here in a pitiable fashion. I cannot help it", is our answer. But this is no answer. It serves more as an excuse than an explanation, an excuse that we are trying to give ourselves, because we really dont want to find an answer. We refuse to think of it just because we do not want to think of it. It is nothing but an excuse. Why cant we find something if we 'really' want to find it?

And one another famous saying: "The society will not support us. The society will laugh at us if we talk this way".
I care a damn for the society. I would rather say, that I will stand aside and laugh at the whole society!!

If someone or all of the whole world tells me: "I am gonna laugh at you because you are different", I will tell them: "I am gonna laugh at all of you because you all are the same"!
Now, thats attitude. Live it, if you believe in it. Change yourself to live what you believe in. Thats what I would call, a "complete life" or what people generally say: "Living life to the fullest". But unfortunately, it has just remained a jargon, "good to hear and acknowledge" kind of a thing. Whats the point in believing in something that you would love living, if you are not really able to live it? Dont call yourself a believer anymore. Go sit in a corner and cry to the wall that you are a believer of something that you cant practically live. That wall will also probably try and cry along with you after sometime, out of pity!!

Only either of these two can happen: "Live in the society and face it or flee away from the society which doesnt care for the truth". What good is there in the society which doesnt support the truth?
But still we continue to live here.

And is this what we call: "A practical life"?
WELL..WELL..WELL..
A practical life!! Ridiculous! It is high time we start laughing at the replies we give... Let us see how long we will continue to apparently defend ourselves with our excuses, one after the other.

Anyway, to wrap it all up, the math in my title can never have a solution, because the question/problem statement itself is wrong!

Schumacher's last F1 season or should I say, "The LAST interesting F1 season for us"?

Well, this posting would make more sense if you follow 'Formula one'.
Today's Italian Grand Prix at Monza will go down in the history of Formula one as one of the most historical races ever. The circuit in Monza has always been quite challenging than any other circuits. The race here has always been packed with special and surprising events. And today's was no exception.

I am not going to write about the summary of the race. But, I felt quite emotional towards the end and hence I thought I should write down what I felt about today's Italian Grand Prix.

Kimi Raikonnen is my favourite racer (Schumi is my favourite too) and he clinched the pole position for today's race by being 0.002 seconds faster than Michael Schumacher! Now, how close is that?! Even before the race started, there was a lot of excitement. And there were several reasons for it:

1. Italy is Ferrari's home country. And they were just 2 points behind Renault in the constructor's championship. There were hundreds of thousands of fans in red, with the Ferrari flags all over, looking forward for Ferrari to clinch the lead position.

2. Michael Schumacher was just 12 points behind Fernando Alonso in the driver's championship and although he would not be able to take lead at the end of this race, people were looking forward for him to close in on Alonso in terms of the points.

3. Alonso was penalised five places for apparently blocking Massa during the qualifying and hence we were looking forward for him to be all charged up during the race!

4. And of course, the big one: Schumacher was expected to let the world know about the decision on his retirement from Formula one this year, at the end of the race.

Always, I used to pray that the race shouldn't get over soon, as all the excitement would end. But today was different. I was looking forward for it to end soon!
Now, could it get bigger than this? It actually did!! Read on...

Like I already said, I am not telling the whole story. To cut it short, Schumacher took over the race leader Kimi pretty soon. There was a huge roar from the fans as soon as Kimi went in for his first pitstop and Schumi took over the race lead!


And to me, the most exciting moment was when
Alonso's car's engine blew up and he had to retire from the race. ---->
(Wow! Amazing smoke, isn't it?!)








Of course, Schumacher had an emotional win- his 90th Grand Prix victory!!! Think about that! What a career it has been! Amazing! Brilliant!
<------ (Look at Schumi here as he crosses the finish line)
When I initially said that it actually got bigger,(than the beginning of the race) I wasn't kidding.
Think about this: Schumacher's victory and Alonso's failure now leaves Schumi only 2 points behind Alonso. And Ferrari gaining 2 points over Renault to take the lead in the constructor's championship- IN THEIR HOME- ITALY!!!

It was certainly an amazing event-packed race today!
At the end of the race, there came the moment- As soon as Schumi parked his car, there were so many emotional scenes. Then Schumi was so happy on the podium, he couldnt wait to lift that trophy and I havent seen him stay up there on the podium along with his sporting director Jean Todt for such a long time!




A lot of fans thronged the place in front of the podium! Look at the number of "reds" out there! I havent seen a crowd like this.


Then came the moment which we were all looking forward to- and as expected, he announced his retirement from Formula one at the end of this season. The kind of professional driver that Schumi is, he knew that this was a very appropriate time to announce his decision. And he did that in a perfectly professional style. It was qute an emotional moment, I am sure, but like they say, all good things must come to an end. And Schumi's career is no exception. I cannot put it in better words than Schumi did. Read this.
(I liked the way he said: "The fans have the right to know"!
We certainly did!)

All in all, Formula one has certainly not seen a driver better than Schumi. He has been the most professional and talented of all drivers, winning race after race in grand style. 90 Grand prix victories as of today puts him ahead of all the racers in the history of motor racing. We can never find a racer like him who can rule any circuit. Just give him the right car, a car that matches his talent and he will do the rest!

Formula one seasons from next year- 2007 will certainly be less interesting and less competitive than they have been till now, I am sure. I can bet anything on that!
Schumi will continue to be associated with his Ferrari team in one way or the other in future, I guess. And the team will certainly be looking forward to that.

Ok.. leaving all these emotions behind, we better look forward to the most exciting part of this season, which is yet to come. Schumi would certainly wish to retire as a WORLD CHAMPION. Nothing less than that would be a fitting farewell for him and his Ferrari team.
Now, I can't wait for the three more races this year. And especially the next one in China- where I wish and hope and pray that Schumi will take lead and be officially crowned the World champion. And I hope he will retain that till the end of this season!

Silver jubilee celebration of my school

Hmm... today I was one of the invitees to my school- "Auden Institute of education" which was celebrating its silver jubilee function. This school is a 5 minutes walk from my house. I was initially invited to speak on the occasion. It was after nearly 8 years that I was officially visiting the school, although I had been there a couple of times in between. I was very well received and then the function began. Then came the time for students to speak. And to my surprise, I wasnt called out to speak!! I felt very bad about it, since the very reason I was there was to speak today.
Then I had to tell them that I wanted to speak and there I was on the stage. I was invited with to speak, finally...
I spoke thus:
"Good morning everyone. I dont know if I was on the agenda today,(I particularly said this because I wanted to make them aware of their mistake) but I wanted to speak because I feel that I have spent the maximum number of years that any student can spend in a school here. So, I wanted to share my experience. When I was in my school and was asked to speak, I used to hesitate. Today, I myself have come up to speak. So, I think I have grown up a bit since my school days!

It feels great to be part of the silver jubilee function of my school. Let me take you back to 1986 when I joined this school for LKG(lower kindergarten). The school started in a small house on this same street and there were very few students. I dont remember all the 2 years, but I can only say that it was a unique experience! Then, if I remember right, we moved to this new building in 1988 for my 1st standard. After joining the school, I continued all the way for 12 years till 1998 till my 10th standard in this very same Auden school. The building was new in 1988, the school was growing and so, I can say that I grew up along with the school!

People ask me if I did not get bored staying in the same place for 12 years. Certainly no. I did not find any need to quit the school. We had all the faculty and facilities that we needed here. May not be as much as we have today, but we had all that was required during that time.
I know that it was "Teacher's day" a few days ago. On this occasion, I would like to thank all my teachers, the Principal and resource persons right from day 1 till 1998 in this school and to all those in the other institutions I went to, for their encouragement and support.

I am glad to have contributed my bit to the school.

One more thing I wanted to talk was about an 'alumni meet'. It would be good to have an alumni group or website or 'alumni meet' probably once in a year or twice in a year, where we could all get together, share our experience and thoughts; and interact actively with the school.

I think thats all I wanted to say. I thank you for having given me an opportunity to speak today. I think the last time I spoke here was in 1998 during the 10th standard farewell or I dont even remember if I spoke then. So, it feels good to be speaking today. I did not prepare for my speech today because I thought I will speak whatever comes to my mind on the diaz. It has been quite sometime since I made a speech. So, I think I have a grown a bit!

I once again thank you one and all. Thank you very much..." and I walked back...

My teachers and Principal were silent for a moment, as they could not believe that a very silent girl that I used to be in my school days has come up today and spoken thus. My Principal came up to me while we were havng lunch and said: " I couldnt believe that it was the same Nanditha who was speaking today. You spoke very well. I wanted to tell this on the stage itself. GREAT!! "
All my teachers said so.. They said: "This is probably Intel effect! Intel has taught you how to speak". I completely agree with them. I said: "Yes. Intel has taught me how to speak!!"

All said and done, we had lunch and went around the school taking snaps and meeting teachers and went back home. It was certainly a great experience and a special occasion that I will not forget for a long time.

And one thing that I would never forget would be, of course, the bold speech that I made and like one of the teachers said:"You spoke very well. You spoke straight from the heart. No preparations, no written speech- straight out!! Very well done".
Yes I know it was straight out...

I would never forget these words. I wish I had recorded my speech!

I certainly enjoyed it. Thats why the first thing that I did after coming home was to put down everything in my blog out here, before I forget each and every word that I spoke. I know that they remain in my memory, but I feel that it is necessary to document such occasions and preserve the snaps and sweet memories.

(I cant remember how many times I have edited this blog before completing it. And even after publishing it, I have re-edited and re-published and edited and published and re-published and......!!)

I am sure I will read this blog more frequently than anyone else would and than any other blog of mine!!
I enjoyed it. Completely!

The two kinds of beliefs and their common meeting point

I feel that atleast 99% of the people believe in a Personal God, someone who is supernatural, who is sustaining this 'world and beyond' with all his powers etc.,. They are so much devoted that they express their faith in multiple ways. Some people do not eat anything till they perform some kind of worship, they restrict their diet during festivals, devote some time for reading specific books everyday and many such things, which I am sure everyone would have experienced and there is no need for me to explain this in detail. And, if they miss any of these even on a single day, they feel so bad! All this is because they are so much devoted. They have so much faith- towards one 'thing', be it whatever.

I have also seen the second type- who apparently 'try' to go a step beyond, as it were, and try to seek truth (I am not saying that the first type dont) and do not believe in idol worship, saying that the people who are of the first type are fools etc.,.

I was just thinking of these two cases. I feel that the whole idea behind any of this kind of belief is- 'purification of mind' through concentration. So, how did man start this? The thought of disease or death is one thing that provokes man/mind all the time. He probably tried by first believing that- he is very small and there is something more powerful than him- which is not temporary, which is sustaining everything and the rest of the thought follows. He could have been wrong in the way he thought- but I am just trying to say that this could have been one of the ways in which he started interpreting.

Then it probably became difficult for him to think of something 'invisible' to his eyes, believe in this 'something apparently invisible'. But on the other hand, his strong belief in something supernatural and the effect of his mind over these thoughts, could have resulted in attributing certain features to his 'God', like- having many heads, hands, creating something out of nothing, all kinds of things which that pitiable small mind could have imagined. Different people thought of different things and all these thoughts exploded to give rise to a symbolic representation of these thoughts. And they started believing in this kind of form given to their thoughts. Now, they didnt have to worry that the God of their thoughts is 'invisble'. Because these very thoughts resulted in this form of God which they started offering their prayers to. Their happiness would have had no limits. Their devotion, love and faith would have had no bounds, for, they now supposedly saw their thoughts in a form in front of them! Theirs may/may not have been blind belief. Lets analyse it further..

They would have done everything to spread this great idea of theirs- which everyone felt easy to follow- worshipping these idols. Not that these people did not know that God is omnipresent. They probably knew that God doesnt just exist in these forms/idols. Or probably some of them even knew the truth. But, they had some special belief and devotion towards that form- which their own thought produced. Its a product of their own mind. Its not crap. Its not non-sense. Its their mind, essentially their mind. If you want to call it crap, then it is not the form that is crap, it is the mind that is crap. The very same mind that thinks of it as crap is crap! Yes, it is a vicious circle. It comes back to the same point- the mind! Their's is not foolishness.

I have seen people having such extreme devotion towards the forms. As they have believed and concentrated on this single thing all the time, their mind gets so much occupied that they see only this form- which is nothing but a 'collection of powers' according to their mind. So, do you see that there is an intersection here? Yes, again! Of the thoughts that their mind produced-- which went on to become a form-- which again influenced and occupied their own mind which produced it! It is a complete circle! This time, it is a neat one, a good one!
A complete circle!

So, whats the big deal? Yes, its a circle, so what? It is no great discovery that the things that the mind produced have indeed occupied it. But the difference lies in the fact that when the belief, the concentration, the love, the devotion fills up the mind so much- be it towards the personal God or towards the self, the mind sees nothing but "that". Such a man will never do anything wrong- for the fear of his mind being a witness. He will always think good, do good, - his mind is again producing this thought, as it were, that it is a witness. So, earlier, his mind was running in all directions like an uncontrolled horse and now it is being rightly controlled, the one-pointed devotion and concentration has begun. He sees the world in a different way. Because he sees the same thing everywhere. He does the same good to everyone. He sees no difference. I cannot explain this further as I dont know anything beyond this at this point of time! Basically, I guess he does everything right. It might not seem so to someone else. But, to his mind, it pretty much knows that he is doing the right thing.

Ok. So, where did we start from? We started from the fact that he does everything for the purification of mind through concentration. Hasn't he achieved this through the belief in a 'form' although he might have or may not have initially believed in the formless divine, in his own self, in 'that' which exists everywhere, infact the only thing that "really exists". But to get rid of the difficulty of imagining something formless, he created a form. Was this wrong? I dont think so. He just made his life easy, atleast those who followed this, thought so. If a mind can comprehend something formless, then great! But all our thoughts, for example, while reading a book, involve so much of imagining each instance in some form or the other- which is again specific to a mind. The culprit is the mind! (In the real sense, although it is not , on the outset it atleast looks like it is) It just cant think of any damn thing without associating it with a form, isn't it?
Poor thing, it is being made to act the way it does...

Anyways, the two categories of people that I mentioned initially (one who believe in a form and the other who do not) meet somewhere, with almost the same kind of effort put in to reach there and from there on the path is the same, I believe- the formless!

The "young" mind that was initially incapable of thinking about the formless is now capable of. The thoughts of this young mind that created the 'form' were useful. It actually helped. So, the mind is such an idiot- it needs so much of training to make it believe in what it initially did!!
It looks back at the path and finds that it actually came back to the same point, of course with a better understanding, more capable than before.
Actually speaking, the mind is not the cause of all actions. So, attributing 'action' words like 'looks back', 'came back' etc., is wrong. Because it "seems" like it is performing activities and being the root cause of everything. But, it actually does what "you" ask it to do. But still, for all practical purposes, to put my point across, I have made use of this rather easy terminology- easy to comprehend.

 Well, this posting was due to an extremely stirred up mind that resulted in a long "chain of thoughts" and as I have now stopped writing my personal diary, I thought of getting this off my mind in the "form of a few words", yes, again a 'form', to make some space for something else! Something more thought provoking, something much deeper in the real sense!

My first and last experience in...

I was intending on getting my hair curled- temporarily, though. And I was getting hopelessly bored at home over the weekend. So, I thought why not make my debut. I was really not too keen on it though.

And now, I was in the parlour...people started to do something with my hair. They had a tough time with my hair, I swear! Some were standing, some were sitting on the floor trying to reach my hair! I was expecting to see something too drastically different, with new looks and all..
Man! These guys have got real patience! I, for the first time realised that, unless you are hopelessly jobless, you would not want to go there again! It is such a real waste of time being there.
At the end of it all, my hair looked neat- with curls n all, came back home.. The curls lasted for about an hour, by which time, I managed to get some snaps shot. Ater all, why did I do all this? For the sake of some neat snaps right? Anyways, these curls wouldn't last for long. And should I explain the kind of comments passed on, at home?

The next day, it was looking really terrible. I went back and shouted at them and finally after another 3 hours of my 'good' time spent hopelessly, she gave it up saying- "Your hair is too straight to be curled!!"
I thought: "Thank you ma'm, appreciate your service and quick realisation"

Like they say: "Some people learn only by experience". I feel that this pretty much holds true in my case. This experience, being only one such instance.

Personal diary...

Apart from this 'public' blog, I used to write a personal diary, not giving anybody any sort of access to its contents. I used to write basically my mind in my diary, all those things that I cant/dont like to share with anyone.
I started writing way back in 1995 or 1997(cant remember exactly when) for a couple of years. Then I stopped for a while and again resumed in 2003. (Actually I had stopped for 'quite a while'- 5 years is not a short break). Since then, I have been filling pages after pages of my 'mindwork' daily(just makes me appreciate my patience and my handwriting!!). I havent let anyone read(although my brother has tried to read a few lines). I havent found the time to read it either.
I have tried reading my previous year's diaries, but when I read, it only makes me feel that I have written in such a kiddish manner! So, I tried bringing some maturity into it.

People have told that its a good habit to write and I know it too. But its just that I have suddenly started feeling that I need to stop writing.
Reason: 'I' dont read, neither would I want anyone read, then why write? (The fact that it took so many years for me to realize this, comes to me as a surprise!)
It has been atleast a month since I wrote anything.
What say?

Ignorance

I was just thinking how strong the effect of ignorance is on people. It makes them think so incorrectly, do wrong things, perform actions for which they themselves will repent later etc.,.
I cant believe that it is so strong;for, how else could all this be happening!

I have observed that no matter how strong your so-called destiny(if you believe in one) is, it is 'your will' and only 'your will' that can drive this ignorance away.

Of course, your decision to will to take up this marathon task could be influenced by others/discussions. But, it is only 'your' will to gain knowledge that can help you.
Thats what 'I' have learnt.

Truth

The truth is out there and in here and everywhere..

Can you tell me how to interpret this?

Figure1
I was riding back home after having attended a basic Pranic healing course. It was around 6.45pm and I was observing the sky that was painted with light blue that gradually got mixed with a strange patch of fading crimson red. It was looking like a strange shape. I got so involved in watching it that I almost forgot that I was riding..

I reached home in a few minutes and decided to take a snap of this strange shape. As there is no open space on top of my house, I went to a friend's house immediately, to reach the second floor of their house and I adjusted my camera to take a snap of this image before it faded away. The first snap that I took was very strange in that, the camera caught an image of something that was actually not there. It was a huge white circle that has a strange shape within itself. I took another snap in anticipation of that same shape reappearing, but this time it didnt! I took a few more snaps and the camera could catch only what was actually visible, which looks like the one in the above snap.
Now, look at the snap below. This was what I was referring to as the first snap.. that looked strange.

What is this huge perfect circle? There was no such physical or visible object there. Can you also observe some strange object within that circle? I was so astonished..not that my camera could catch something that 'I' was unable to see. It was an experience like never before! I couldnt believe my eyes..Well, actually the camera!

Some people said that it is the sun.. but there was no sun there, as you can see from Figure 1. My brother said that it is a raindrop. I dont think it can be that huge and on top of it, there was no rain! It cant be dust on the camera lens either, or could it be? Because, in that case, there would be so many dust particles and not all of them would manifest as one huge white perfect-circle with some kind of an aura around it!!

And yes, there is no photography trick involved here!!

Any ideas? Any guesses? How do I interpret this?? Will I find an answer? Just getting very curious to know..

Confusion and frustration...the good part of it!

Seems like it is good to get confused every now and then. This will make you 'think'. So you consider a lot of things, suddenly you seem to have a lot of options to choose from. It could be any event. As you keep thinking, you will find that you have a lot of ways that you could lead your life through.This, no doubt leads to lot of frustration and confusion. But it is a nice experience. You cant always expect decisions to be imposed upon you..I mean you need to think, take decisions by yourself.

What is good about getting confused?
Time moves on (if you believe in the 'time' concept-I don't!) and things become clear. As you move on, you will start finding solutions and will be able to make your own decisions.I personally feel that you will gain more strength and clarity as you move on in a so-called 'confused life'.

Think of it this way..there is some kind of a training or a learning phase that your 'mind' needs to undergo so that it becomes stronger. So, the sense of frustration is unnecessary. I quote: "If necessity is the mother of invention, frustration is the mother of creation". So, when you are frustrated, you tend to think a lot and focus on a particular field which you would have otherwise not bothered too much about. Your energies get channelized. Where frustration tends to develop new qualities in you and help you discover the unknown 'you' within yourself, it is good. But if you get into mental depression and lose inner balance..it is obviously bad!

You cant have the cake and eat it too..

Instance 1: A drive without music..

Just imagine this.. you are in your car, driving at around 10pm on a holiday, after a wonderful candle light dinner (now dont ask-with whom?) through one of the most happening places at 80kmph and you are alone in the car!! There is hardly any traffic, all shops along the street are open and are very well illuminated! You are feeling great about the drive..Just rolling the windows down and the very cool breeze manages to get through your hair.. You are enjoying every damn bit of it..and all alone!

But you are missing something..'The music'! It seems very good till this thought about listening to music gets into your mind..But you can't resist thinking about it especially when you are driving in the night. And this is the moment when you feel so frustrated.. Can someone get some damn kind of music into this car NOW?

Be it any thing..rock, jazz, carnatic, hindi, instrumental...some of these which you actually hate to listen! A lovely drive just got so frustrating without music. I need to buy the stereo soon, but atleast till then, I ensured that I carried my FM radio that plugs into my cell phone when I went out next time for the drive. But this time, you know what happens..there is so much traffic and noise all around that I just didnt feel like listening to music (athough it was very good). I unplugged it! I guess this is what people call: "You can't have the cake and eat it too"! A very simple, but a highly practical example I guess!

Instance 2: When a golden opportunity knocks at your door!

Everyone has or atleast should have goals-call it short term or long term or whatever. As life moves on, rather when you move along with life (!!), priorities do change..thats the 'rule of life'. You dream of something and you have always ensured that you realise your dreams, because there is this one life and only one to do all that you possibly can. As you have got what you wanted, you think that this time also, your dream would get realised. But it doesn't.. for reasons that will become obvious after sometime. You dont crib about it any longer, because you know why....

Like I said, priorities change and you start aiming half-heartedly at your goals. A lot of other changes happen which force you to get less deterministic about a lot of things which you would have been more serious about, otherwise. You let time fly by.. and this opportunity which I call the 'cake' knocks at your door. It lets you rethink. All those thoughts which were lurking somewhere behind the door of your mind are now beginning to surface. Life once again gets frustrating, because I start thinking seriously again- that's very much like me! I start saying: 'Life is a bitch'.. I actually hate myself to the fullest when I define life this way. I am not my true self when I define life this way.

I have the cake right there.. do I want to eat it.. knowing that it will taste good? It is upto me. Now this is the toughest part of it: 'Decision making'. I am in a situation like never before and start doing things that I've never done before: 'Seeking people's advices'. I have always advised people, but have never sought one because I never had to and I have always hated to! What happened to all the confidence that I had in myself? It is only now, I understand that it is not easy to advise yourself! Or is it? It is easy to solve others problems, but why cant people solve mine? Is it because the problems are complicated or atleast I feel that they are! Or is it because my way of thinking and amy approach towards the problem is only a lot complicated!

Anyways, getting back to the cake that I have with me, I have just started to get all the assistance that I need, to decide on whether I should eat it or not. This is making me strengthen my belief in 'destiny'(dont visit this site unless you are hopelessly jobless and if you hate comics- I hate it myself!) that I have always so much believed in, because it is so true, always..and with everyone. It would have been great if I could get a 'sneak preview' of what happens after I eat the cake..if I could virtually travel to the future and get back!
It looks good, I hope that it will taste good too , but for how long and what are the repercussions? There are lots of factors that I need to think about before deciding on anything. Will the taste of it remain for long? Care a damn about the taste.. it is only momentous, but is it gonna be useful? Is it worth it? Will I be able to optimise all the parameters? Time will tell. Again, it is upto me! And it is the toughest of the decisions to make, when it comes to: 'Yes' or 'No'. I wish there was something like: 'Neither' or 'Can't say' or I wish: 'BOTH for equal amounts of time and then I will decide' or some such option. But there are only two logic levels in life: a '1' or a '0'.
I have always believed in this and it has always worked for me: "You can never connect the dots(events that happen in life) looking forwards, you will only be able to connect them looking backwards". So..just believe in this! You might not believe in this for the first time, but when you are able to connect a few of them, trust me..you will start believing in this and it actually makes you feel better. It is good for your health! I mean, for 'the mind'! OK..there is so much to talk about the mind. Not now, I guess this posting has already become a bit too huge. So, some other time...."The mind"!

Solitude: thats a different kind of fun!!

I guess most people would differ in their opinion from that of mine about being or travelling alone. I wonder what people feel when they are totally alone in a new place. It is an experience of a lifetime..which you wish that you forget soon, but you wont be able to! For a moment you feel that you are totally free to do anything that you could possibly do in the world, which you could have probably not done otherwise..You totally forget about all those people who care so much for you.. and most importantly theres no one to give you uninvited advices (wait...you will realise the importance of these advices later)!

While walking along a beach alone..Wow! Thats when you feel that you are realllllly alone! There's not even a person along with you who could take your snap ;-) No fool would want to want to go to a beach alone..but I did(especially after being warned that it is not a safe place)!!!
When you go to have late dinner in a restaurant along a beautiful pool side- the most frustrating moment is when the guy doesnt even give you the menu card because he thinks that you are waiting for someone to join:( This is when you would hate to be alone-while having food in such a beautiful place.
But then shopping alone is a unique experience which you would never forget. You certainly wish that you had someone with you-but thats ok!
Now think of this: You are inside a black Mercedes Benz- It is so 'royal' ish and you are all alone!!!(there is the driver of course!) How would you feel? This is certainly a great feeling-being inside a Mercedez-lovely soft cream coloured seats, you are having an amazing drive and on top of all this, just guess what the people looking at you from outside must be thinking... something great about you. You are so excited-but there is no one along with you. This is a terrible feeling!

These are the thoughts that would probably come to your mind: You would probably wonder what this life is all about..why are you here-alone..and how wonderful it will be if you could find someone who you know of, in this totally lonely place..
All in all, its a great experience that you would never forget. You were all excited initially when you discovered the independence that you have in being alone-then you go through a phase in which you feel lonely- finally when it is coming to an end, you relish it and you feel:
"Solitude-thats a different kind of fun!!!!"

Relish every moment...

When life is great and everything is working well for you, you dont quite seem to realise that you are living one of the greatest moments of your life, until you lose them. You keep complaining about petty things which actually do not matter much in life. And when suddenly all the happiness disappears, you feel invaded by a profound, heartbreaking sadness that envelopes your whole being, that cannot be overcome by all your courage. You were such a courageous human being who felt that you can do all that you possibly think you can, and suddenly you find yourself being dictated by events that happen in life. They just happened!

You will no longer want to complain about anything in life and would not view petty things under magnifying lens.Life gets tough when it starts dictating terms to you, but there is nothing that you can do to make it work otherwise. You can call it fate or destiny or whatever. It will have its final say. Things just happen and make you feel that they shouldn't have happened.As I said earlier, you do not seem to realise that you are living a happy life because you basically do not know the bad face of life as yet. You want more happiness and more and more. But theres an upper limit for happiness.

I sometimes wonder why life can't be fair to all. There is an upper limit for happiness, but I wonder why there is no lower limit for sadness. I am sure, people love this quote-"Life has its ups and downs". I absolutely agree with this..but the problem is that you do not relish your great moments because you do not know that they are great until you lose them. Yes..this is true. And when you lose them, you realise that its all over in a flash. And you start feeling: "Were all the great moments that I lived, a dream? Yes..it was a dream. Thats wasn't true" As you feel that you have no control over all that life has got in store for you, my only suggestion and the only best possible thing that you can probably do is -"Relish every moment in life"-we dont quite seem to do this.

These could be very small moments in life, like, going out for a walk on a cool summer morning with an elderly lady (who keeps advising all the way and you hate all of them-yes all of them, you will only realise its importance later), cooking(you keep saying that you would never want to cook again, not knowing that you will not be able to avoid it- although you hate every second of it), late dinner with family(you keep complaining about tasteless food, not knowing that, only worse is going to follow in a few days), shopping or riding bike or a long drive on a friday mid-night or even a night out at office! There are many many more such small things in life which we really dont seem to care much about. You will start caring about them when you will no longer have them. And you realise that its just too late.

So relish every single moment that you live. I repeat-"You-will-not-get-them-back".
All that you will be left with is sweet memories! I also feel that- "Instead of feeling sad that its over, feel happy that it happened". I know..its not as easy as I say..

Holiday in Goa-joyous experience that just stays..

If you are in Karnataka and love long drives, if you wanted to discover the nearest and one of the best Goan beaches, in all possibilities, you would be directed to this beach in the southern part of Goa..Palolem.
This is how I would go about describing it..White clean sand, gentle breeze-as if saying 'stay calm and quiet like me' (me-meaning the breeze!), lovely scenery: you can watch the far-off mountains trying to hide from being sighted, swaying coconut palms, beautiful huts....and less crowd compared to that in other Northern Goa beaches. No one usually travels that far down south..except those who really want to visit the most beautiful beach or those who are driving from the south.
The most strange feature of the beach is that-mostly foreigners throng the beach..and very few Indians can be spotted here and there..
If you are crazy about photography...do note that you can possibly take all the lovely snaps here. The scenery is just a treat to watch..
Anyone visiting Goa, please make it a point to visit Palolem..you would be extremely delighted-take my word for it!