Getting beyond..

I should probably edit my blog name as 'the heart speaks' instead of 'the mind speaks'..

I was thinking, what really matters in life. What should really matter to me?
In this world, everything is so so so relative with respect to each other's minds. Something that is perfect to me is not perfect for you.

To consider an example:
In an educational institution where thousands of students are graduating, each one with a certain grade, and at the end of it, what does it really mean. Is it that, I got in and got out with a certain grade, got placed in some company, and then again do something there to earn some money, finally get out of there. One fine day, we get out of this world too.. And so.. what did we do at the end of it?

I feel that, someone other than 'myself' cannot quantify the quality of the effort I have put in into some work. To be precise, lets say I make a project report of 6 pages, which is really a result of hard work of about 6 months. Only I know, how much effort I have put in and if I have really put in. People could make a 6 page report in 1 day or even few hours. So, if someone external to me sees the report, he can see only the 6 pages. And again, if those 6 pages are not appealing to the person's mind, he might throw it away as rubbish. So, the point is, should I let someone else judge me or my ability or my work? My ability could be to some extent judged by someone who I consider as my 'teacher', since he knows much better than I do; and I have accepted him as my teacher to lead me to something higher. But, there is no way that someone else can really know how much effort I put in into my work. So, if they consider it as rubbish, should I even care?

And especially when it comes to grading in educational institutions, it has been my observation in the last few months that there is nothing perfect here. Each Professor has his own style of grading because each one has his own idea of the so called bloody perfection of the subject. And a 100% in that subject means what? Does it mean the person knows everything? I have seen students doing nothing, almost copying the assignments from each other and scoring almost 95%, where as a sincere student also scores the same. So, what does it mean? That, it is better to just copy and not spend time on the given job sincerely? Does sincerity have any place in this relative world at all?


So, what does this all lead me to? There could be two conclusions, which are way different:
1. Be like everyone else, just chill! Do things at the last moment, dont be sincere. It doesnt really matter in life!

2. All that matters is satisfaction to myself. Have I done my best? Have I done my job that I was supposed to do? Basically, have I been true to myself, my conscience? If my conscience says yes, then nothing else should matter to me. I shouldnt care if I am compared with someone who hasnt done his job as sincerely but ends up getting the same rewards as I do. Basically, it leads me to the conclusion that, I just do my job 'perfectly' with respect to my own conscience and if I know for myself that I have given my everything, I should learn to dettach myself from the results of it. If I can do that, I can go beyond work. At the end of the 'day', how long am I going to keep working? As long as I am in this world, I have to work, do something or the other, where inevitably I will be 'judged'. And there will be no escape from it. So, do we ever get out of it? get beyond it? where to? and how? what are we here for? to get grades? for someone to certify that I am good? Thats so funny! That shows how small a creature I am, if I am waiting for someone to certify my work and my quality and to get bogged down by these things! I should of course do good. Now, good is also relative.. good with respect to what?



So, where does relativity end? Do we ever get to the 'absolute' good? Who decides it? It gets very tough to express all this beyond this point.. Now, lets say, we look at life as a whole. We come in, do something and die and move on from there.. and repeat it. Till when? Till we get beyond the circle of life and work and death. Till we have expectations and desires, there is no way out. Till we are attached to these little things and their results, there is no escape. Get beyond it.. does it mean that I stop working? If I continue to work as if it is my duty to do so, and do my best sincerely, and get dettached from the results, then there is a possibility of an escape from the circle of work. This is what has been said in Gita and other places. I used to wonder, how can you work without expectation, what does it even mean? If I start off saying I dont want anything, I cant even work, there wouldnt be enough motivation. But I now realised that, work is inevitable, it has to be done. As long as we work, we put in some effort and we get some results. That is also inevitable. But if I continue to work because I want more out of it, working further will also be inevitable. The way out, is to realise that - God/whatever you call it- your own conscience really knows your intentions. He is the unbiased judge- the so called bestower of the results of your actions. If he is pleased, you dont have to bother about anything else. And of course, to please him, you have to be sincere. So, what do I get out of it? Satisfaction. You dont have to ask anyone to check if you are satisfied. You somehow know it for yourself. All that matters should ideally be: Have I done my best? Have I given it my everything? Have I enjoyed doing it? Did I like it? The results should be given up, meaning, you shouldnt be bothered about anything else that you get out of work except the above mentioned things. Because, there is no such thing in life as- 'you HAVE to get it'. There is no such big deal here in this mortal existence. Just imagine, all that you call as you and yours here, now, will be gone into ashes one day. It might sound dramatic, and I might sound like a pessimist; but that is a fact. So, if you are mentally prepared to have this 'mentality' (!) of giving up, here and now, then you really go beyond the small grades and reports and work and this mortal existence as a whole.


When you do this repeatedly, your mind becomes free from expectations and desires, and it really becomes "free".. You begin to realise that life is not to be bound by small, silly things such as comparing yourself with others, feeling jealous about others success, feeling bad when one doesnt get a promotion at work or when one doesnt get good marks in a certain exam or when someone doesnt praise you or if you aren't given importance etc.. These things start to look very silly. And the people who care for such silly things start to look silly. And on top of all this, the whole system that we have in this world, where everything gets judged everywhere- education, work etc., and the people who judge, the whole system looks very silly. I can stand on top of it and laugh at it. At the end of this 'life', I should have gotten over this tiny existence.. And I think, that is why we are here for. Not to get stuck here like in a whirlpool, but to find a way to get over. And as we can see, it is not so easy. That is the real challenge and that is the real and the ultimate examination. If I can get a 100% in this task, I should be done forever, with everything.. I can get an 'ideal' certificate! That is how I think, there is this only one way of getting beyond...

A heart

I see so much of a distinction between an animal (like a dog/cow etc) and a human. I saw a cow limping, walking in the middle of the road; nobody caring for it. I saw a hungry dog, that was looking for food inside a dustbin and it looked up at me expecting something. I saw some kind of helplessness in its eyes, looked as if it was making some kind of request. I looked straight into its eyes, and I felt I was connected with it, I felt sorry, helpless. I had just had my dinner, ready-made dinner, cooked by someone else, neatly served on plates, have someone else to wash my plates, and on top of it we still complain that the food is not good, it was a little less saltish, less hot etc.,. I saw another dog rolling in the sand, sleeping in the sun. Why is there so much distinction made between man and an 'animal'? Man has dominated the whole world, thinks he rules it. We study, build institutes, work, do lots and lots of things to "enjoy" at the cost of others happiness, many a times. We can go to any extent, hurting others, killing others, killing animals and eating them.. god save human beings.

Still, what should be that quality of a man that makes this really big distinction, worth it? What should he possess, that makes him worthy of being called a human being, who is rated way way above the other species. I think, it is the "heart". Care for others,  forget your egos and have a heart.. They say that, when you touch the heart of others is the moment you truly start living..Otherwise, what is 'life' after all? When can you say, you are really living?

How many times have we faced this- we dont care for those who care so dearly for us, because we take them for granted. We dont care to listen to them, they are like our secondary priority, whom we will finally resort to, when we feel alone and lost in this world.. We still, dont care to stop for a moment and feel grateful for them. We never said a thanks..Some relationships dont need a thanks, of course.. like that of a child feeling grateful towards parents. This is a really great example, of how most kids dont care for those who really care for them. I feel, this is the only true relationship amongst all the vanishing ones and I care for that relationship a lot..

Thats ok, but this is the funny part- we care a LOT for those who dont care for us.. This is one more very strange quality that I find in human beings. I heard an incident, where a girl was dumped by his boyfriend who proudly wrote that -'finally, I got rid of her'.. and the girl committed a suicide. Can it get more stupid? When a person doesnt value the relationship anymore, there's no point in the other person valuing it anymore either, so much to an extent of committing a suicide. I believe that, people who do not deserve to be given importance, should not be given importance at any cost. Basically, the root cause of all this is that, we are attached to something or somebody and our ego comes in the way of accepting this fact, which leads to agony and anguish. If we just keep things simple, there shouldnt be any worry in this world.

So, coming back to my original point, have a heart.. a simple one..care for others, tell those little thanks, little sorries, little smiles, share those little feelings, feel I say, feel.. and you are on your way to justify, why humans are really supposed to be way ahead of all other species. A dog shows gratitude, it can feel. In fact, all living beings can..(Btw, I dont mean to underestimate a dog or any other animal. Just that I see so many of them everyday, I am just using them as an example. In many cases and in many ways, dogs are much better than humans!)
If you lack a heart, then I am sorry, you are worse than any other creature on this planet, just spending one more day on earth..

Marriage!

Well, I never thought I would be writing about it one day. But today was a different experience! Something I never imagined before. I never became a huge fan of a person just by hearing at his speech, and that too listening to a few minutes, I wanted to go and tell him, 'you are awesome'! And what's more, I recorded his speech (not sure if it was legal) and I am quoting him here in my blog.

If you have been wondering what I am talking about.. here it is.. I attended a wedding in a church today, for the first time in my life. Initially, I was comparing the differences between the cultures. I saw people with pianos, people getting ready to play songs, people with guitar on the stage etc., I had imagined the bride walking down in white dress and all (like we have seen in the movies), and then I thought, I shouldnt expect too much.. just wait and watch..Then the bride really walked down in white saree with a guy, whom I thought was supposed to be her husband. But then it turned out that he was the Pastor (a clergyman or priest in charge of a congregation- Source: dictionary.com), and a good friend of the actual bridegroom.

Then began the sensational talk by the Pastor. I didnt know who he was; I just thought he was the groom's friend.. but later learnt he was 'professional' and the Pastor. I probably felt it was sensational, because I didnt expect that kind of an event to happen there and that kind of a topic being spoken on a wedding day!

Anyway, here it goes..
"If you would remember God everyday in your life, you would have a great marriage. When you are closer to God, we experience love, we experience peace so that we can give it to others..But theres something wrong with human race today, that there is one thing that sticks out- ' I'..We are all about 'me'. In marriage, most of the times, its about me, whats in it for me. Every problem is because I am selfish. But the Bible says, the love of God is not selfish. It is kind and forgiving. The love of God doesnt keep a record, it doesnt say, 'hold on, I remember what you did to me five years ago, you did this to me yesterday'.. the love of God says- 'Jesus paid for you on the cross and I dont remember anything' Because of being selfish, sin came in to the world and death came in to the world"

"Btw, friends, I dont know who you are today. You may be here tonight, but you are going to die one day. 100 years from now you are not gonna be here. What a horrible topic to talk on a wedding morning! Yeah, but that is the reality.  Every one of us are gonna die one day. We are going to grow older and older and I promise you, not one of us will be here, one hundred years from now..But you are gonna be somewhere. Your soul will be somewhere- either in heaven with God or in hell. The Bible is that clear about it. And the bad news is that we are all sinners. The Bible says that St.Paul said- all men are sinners, no man is perfect, none of us are without sin. All of us fall short of God's standard. We have all made mistakes in our lives. Not one of us is worthy, when we die, to stand before the gates of heaven and say that 'I am here, perfect, am a good man, I have never sinned'. Not one of us is able to say that. But the good news is this- the Gospel of Jesus is this-' that the God sent his son, Jesus Christ, the only one who is perfectly holy and sinless. Jesus on the cross took your sins on him. He was not dying as an accident. Jesus was dying so that you could be in heaven one day..If you accept him as your Lord, you will be saved.......
....Do you know where you will go when you die? Have you personally asked God to come in to your life? Have you asked, God, forgive my sins? If you have done that, you will be saved."

"The love that God wants through this marriage is supernatural love between you; that you may live your life, through the love of God. God has put love in man.. it goes beyond when you become old, when you have lost friends, when you have lost jobs and everything..Even when everything is gone, you can still say to each other-'I believe in you'.. Two imperfect people like all of us are, come together and plunge in love for God..This is a very sacred and holy moment. This is the time when Jesus is asking you-'Did you know you will have eternal life? If you believe in me, you will have everlasting life. Do you know where you will go when life will be over.' You might be saying-'who knows and who can know'. But the Bible says differently that those who believe in him, shall have everlasting life. Pray God to come into your lives as the holy spirit."

Many of those sentences were very touching for me.. two of them stand out:
1. "All of us fall short of God's standard."
2. "Not one of us is worthy, when we die, to stand before the gates of heaven and say that 'I am here, perfect, am a good man, I have never sinned'".. I got tears in my eyes as he was saying this..

I wanted to hear more and more.. As I heard him, I felt he was explaining the essence of marriage, as it is supposed to be. Maybe, we too have the mantras and chants etc., which convey much deeper meaning.. but nevertheless, this was a different experience.

And towards the end, I felt that their belief in God was much stronger than the belief I had. Then I thought I shouldn't have compared cultures initially.. since all religions talk about that same goal, just tuned to the different mindsets of people. 

Thank God

I woke up in the morning with my eyes blurred; because I had slept with my eyes covered with my hands. It took nearly 1 hour to be able to see normal. I began to think, how the world might look to me if my eyes were permanently blurred. I started getting scared. How the world might look, if I were blind? Do we care to thank, may be, God that we are able to see? I did, at that moment. Even if I had no reason to thank God, this is really a wonderful reason.. to be able to see. The greatest gift, I thought!

We all know we can "see", not just the vision that eyes offer, but to be able to see things as they are. That is a very difficult thing though. It takes quite a few experiences to be able to really "see". When we start to see and realise things, we start to refine ourselves according to the circumstances. The first time you "see" something differently than what you expected to see, you are taken by surprise. Because, you had a certain previous experience and a certain expectation. So, when what follows doesnt match with your expectation, you are surprised! So, you now modify your 'interpretation' algorithm and set it to the latest experience you had. And then, your expectation changes accordingly. The next time you "see" the same thing, if you are taken by surprise, you modify your algorithm again. Anyway, as you go through these, you take a hit every time, but you also go through this wonderful act of realisation. You become a more refined person, because atleast you are starting to "see" things clearly. And when you get hit more, the stronger you get. But this process gets saturated somewhere.. that happens either when you get the "real" picture of the thing (after which you no longer need to run the algorithm) or when we you have become strong enough not to get affected by anything or when you no longer expect anything.

The root cause of all evil is this expectation. Expectation everywhere, about everything and with everyone. The moment this can be controlled, I can say, we will be able to handle ourselves much better and really see things as they are, and... as... they... Always.... were. Yes, things hardly change, but our 'idea' of the thing changes. When the illusion about the idea vanishes, the thing is seen clearly, as it ALWAYS WAS.

I wanted to thank someone for having brought me out strong from all the experiences that I have had in life so far, howsoever tough they have been. 'Thank God'.. thats what naturally comes out when we feel thankful for something that has happened, which is beyond our control. So, I thank God. I thank God, for making me realise how stupid I was in the past, for making me realise how much better I could have been, for how events happened which were not under my control (there are many such, in all our lives), for guiding me every moment and making me realise every moment on what I should and shouldn't do..

I sometimes think, if I could have 'seen' better yesterday, I could have been a lot better. But its always better late than never right? I can see better today, and for that, I thank God again..

Another first experience in..

I had an earlier blog post, about five years ago, whose title also read something similar, saying- 'my first experience in...'. But that was also 'the last experience in...'.

Now, this experience that I am writing about, I am pretty sure it is not the last experience, but surely the 'first' of its kind. I was supposed to teach Analog electronics to BTechs here in IITB as a Teaching Assistant for their course. Not really "teach" the subject as such, but then make them solve some examples- something they call a 'tutorial' here. I had some apprehensions about teaching UGs in IITB, they are pretty smart guys, I thought.. After all, they cracked the JEE, didn't they? So, to prepare myself, I sat along with them during their regular class hours for Analog electronics, to know what's going on in the class, so that I can know what I should be doing during the tutorial. It was a class of limited seats- only 40 students were allowed to register- hmm...decent crowd for me to start with, I thought! These guys didnt know what a high pass and a low pass filter were. And they were pretty decent in the class, so I thought it may not be tough for me to handle them!

Now coming to the tutorial day..When I entered the class, I made sure I wasnt going to stand on the dais of a different class, so I asked them if this was the same class. And I thought that students wont show up for a tutorial class, but almost the whole class was seated, at 6.30pm sharp! Wow, impressive! And the room didnt have speakers or mike, and I wasnt audible at the back benches, so I turned off the fan, because I believed that the noise made by the fan running at full speed was preventing my voice from reaching far! One girl gave me a staring look since I switched off the fan near her.. I knew, so I asked her- is it ok? And she had to say, yes, its ok! That girl didnt open her book to write down anything.. she wasnt happy attending a tutorial for this subject which was supposed to be a 'Minor' subject- which gave her only 6 credits instead of the 8 credits that they normally get. She didnt feel it was worth spending one extra hour a week on a 6-credit course. I said, I cant help it.. its been told that the tutorial was compulsory and she had a pathetic look on her face.. I dont know why it should be compulsory.. if she is not going to listen to me, what's the point in coming there for the heck of it? If I was the Prof, I would say so..

Anyway, I started with drawing simple RC circuits and transient response. These guys were 2nd year guys who didnt know Network analysis or Laplace transforms. So, I had to teach them simple RC circuit analysis. I also taught them what's inside an operational amplifier- thats a differential amplifier. Apparently, that wasn't what I was asked by the Prof to do. She was supposed to teach the concepts and I was supposed to show some applications and examples. But since they weren't aware of some concepts, I spoke about it, and I liked it..
After all, what's the big deal in solving examples? All text books have them, and these simple substitution of values into formula- am sure these IIT UGs are smart to figure them out themselves..
I realised I didnt like to just show examples.. I wanted to take command on the subject, on really 'teaching'..  I wanted to teach concepts.. good, isn't it? And did decently well in handling questions too!
And the best part was, as I expected from EE students (:-))- the students behaved really decent, of course we have some mutual respect, dont we?

There were some guys talking to each other and laughing occassionally, but I didnt want to interrupt the class and treat them like primary school children, saying the same old dialogue of - "Please share the joke with the class.." etc.. It would have been funny if I did that. I wanted to be really professional, like my guide here. I love being professional where it is required.
It was good.. people were writing down notes also and nodding their heads- atleast the first benchers! There were some who didnt open any book also.. but they were the back benchers as one would expect. I was glad I was teaching something that made sense to some atleast.

The funny part was when I took the attendance (which I was asked to take!), it was a real 'first' experience. The last time I probably took attendence was when I used to play this 'teacher' game at home when I was in 1st standard, wearing a saree and broken glasses, holding a stick as if scaring students (there were none really!) and writing stuff on blackboard at home.
Now, I was really taking attendance..Apparently, in a couple of cases, I read out the student's middle name, and they said-'That's my father's name, not my name!' That was funny!

I managed to talk for 50 minutes! And I wasnt nervous.. good! And my hands were full of chalk powder :-)

I had done some volunteering work in the past, and the class I had taught was 8th and 10th standards. That was all unofficial teaching though..
But now this teaching was 'official' and it will go on. Hehe, I am officially a 'teacher'.. sounds weird! I should wear some glasses from next time, it will give me that teacher 'look', yeah that 'look'!

Overall it was good. My next turn is after 3 weeks. And I hope to do better!
(I like to decorate my blog with images.. :-) Otherwise, I think it looks boring. I myself cant read my blogs without pictures, these days!)

"The idea of you"

Lets do some basic definitions first. Lets define the mind, keep it simple.. it is something which has acquired certain qualities based on prior experiences and you 'see' the world through it. On a very plain note, it is mostly like a look-up table, where in, if it sees something it has previously seen, it looks it up, matches with the already existing data and returns a 'match found' signal if it finds a match, else a returns a 'no match found'- pigeonholing- as they call it technically. i.e., say it (mind) sees a dog. It has learnt from childhood days how a dog looks like and as soon as it sees it, the mind finds a match with its look-up table and identifies it. Knowledge flashes on it and you call this 'perception' or 'recognition'.

Say, you come across a strange animal which you havent seen before.
The mind still does the search, cannot recognise it, so it is confused. It has no prior information and what it will most probably do is to try to find out what the thing was.. may be the first act is to ask someone and then try to google it out, to confirm (because these days we rely more on internet than what people say. Unless google or wiki says something, I dont trust it kind of a thing!). It then adds this new entry to its look-up table, so that the next time you see the same thing, it is no longer new, and you immediately recognize it, without any delay. So, we have in some crude sense, defined 'recognition' or 'perception' and lets call our first look-up table as a "table of objects".

Now, we come to the more complex 'interpretation'. I am mostly referring to interpretations you do when you deal with sentient (conscious) beings than with insentient things (like objects), so to put it in plain words, when you deal with living beings. You come into this world with your mind. The way you 'interpret' a thing might be completely different from the way I interpret it, which could inturn be totally different from what it actually is. So, when you are reading people's faces, unless you have the art to read their mind, I feel, it is very hard to interpret them right. The reason is this: when you are recognising an object, it is very easy to do it. It is just a look-up table like I said, and if you see a lion, you map it to a lion and you see a monkey, you map it to a monkey, because some ancestor of us has defined that an animal which looks like 'xyz' should be called a monkey. So, everyone started calling it monkey and it became an universally accepted name. You learnt it in your school and you defined an element in your look-up table as monkey and map it to it. The logic circuit for recognising such things, is very simple.

But when it comes to 'recognising' other's minds, which means, you are trying to interpret an act or a behavior or in short, call it "interpreting people", there need to be so many combinations in your table. First of all, there are so many tendencies in people, so very different kinds of nature. Each mind has its own conditioning and ways of looking at things. There are so many emotions/feelings- happiness, sadness,anger, hatred, love, friendship, shyness,guilt,deception,trust,disbelief, humor and so on. There's a saying that the face is the index of your mind. I think you can make out some basic things from people's faces. Like, for example, if somebody is happy, you can make out from their face and you map it in your mind to one of these feelings and recognise that the expression on their face maps to happiness and hence you know that they are happy. So, here we form our second look-up table- a "table of emotions". Similarly, when some incident has happened to someone, which makes him angry, you can make out almost with complete certainty from his face that the person is angry, especially because you know some history behind what has caused him anger. But you can never be totally sure what is the extent of anger, or how much the anger has taken over him, unless he goes wild like a mad person or shouts or something. He might show anger on you but could still have complete control on himself and might not be affected by it. This thing which happens in his mind, you can never know for sure.

Some people are good in pretending. Like for example, if my friend has achieved something great, I am ideally supposed to feel very happy for her. But because I am not perfect and am a human, I might actually feel some jealousy for her. On the outset, I might wish and congratulate her happily, but how happy am I really for her, nobody knows. If lets say a person dies, and his son is crying and all. You never know if the person is really feeling sad, or just pretending because he IS supposed to cry. He might have always wanted his dad's property and might have been waiting for him to die! You never know. So, it is a tough thing firstly to form an idea of a person and also interpret him/her perfectly.

Also, it is hard to judge people by just meeting them or hearing to them for a few minutes. You might get sufficient idea about them, a rough sketch- like the person is
A- smart/dumb,
B- ok to approach/not,
C- friendly/not,
D- shy/open,
E- talkative/silent/reserved,
F- jovial/serious,
such kinds of things. So, thats your first impression and you start making an idea or a picture of the person as a combination of one or more things. So, that means, your mind is trying to create a new entry in its new (third so far) "look-up table of impressions" with a logic circuit of these or more items. Say for example- you have met an open/smart/friendly person- so our logic circuit is D2-A1-C1. Now the next time you meet the person, you mind maps him/her to this logic and the more you talk, you add your impressions to this logic. You start building more impressions as you get to know the person better. Now, this is where your logic might get complicated or even broken. As you get to know better, you start to 'interpret' the person. And you interpret based on the impressions you have already formed in your mind, which is completely dependent on the way your mind has been trained to interpret. When you get to be friends, you get more connected and build a more complicated logic circuit in interpreting one's actions, get  involved in emotions or whatever. You started with a simple logic expression of first impression (which can be said as almost always right- atleat wrt to the items I have described above), and now you end up being emotionally connected.

This calls for a lot of things. Firstly, you would be interpreted for every act of yours, and you would be expected to behave in a certain way so that the other person would not interpret you in a wrong manner. Till now, we have been talking about the involvement of just 2 people. Now, you are not living in a world that's closed. You meet a lot of people everyday who have a lot of tendencies of their own. If you have to reason out everytime on how to act or respond to a certain person in a certain scenario, and if you have to do this with all the people, life gets too complicated. I can, at best act true to my conscience. The moment I know I am doing or behaving in a wrong way, my conscience warns me, and I dont perform the act. Or to be honest, most of the times, I perform the act and then get warned that I did something wrong! But I cannot keep reasoning out before every act of mine, keeping in mind how the other person or even the world would interpret me, because it is simply impossible for me to even think how others might interpret me. It would get into some deadlock kind of a situation- me trying to interpret the other is simply impossible and me waiting to act based on that interpretation would put me in a never-ending 'wait' statement'. So, to evaluate the 'wait' statement, I need to use a condition, which might again be different each time I evaluate it. So, this whole sequential logic of behaviors and interpretations and dealing with people, breaks down at some point. At this point, I give up, I just dont interpret. I just act, and leave it at that.

Thus, each one has his own image of the world, or the 'idea of the world' and thats essentially the 'pattern' of the world set in his mind or as 'seen' through his mind. We are all living in our own universes- parallel universes as I often call it. I am in your universe and I have so many more people in my universe who inturn have their own, so I call them nested parallel universes. And what are these universes formed of? They are formed of ideas. "It is not about you, it is the idea of you" a friend told me, and the moment I heard it, I was excited about this statement. "It is not about you, it is the idea of you!" I get excited to write a whole book on this sentence, if I probably read this sentence 10 times a day, I can get inspired enough! I like it!

So, the ideas form this universe of mine and I live in it. I get attached to these ideas, find it difficult to imagine myself in any other world of ideas. But when I find a new world of ideas or rather create a new world of ideas, the old one would drop off on its own or gets transformed into the new one, thus the new one takes over. We thus move from one creation to another.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigeonholing

Reflecting..

Since its been quite sometime since I wrote, I am thinking of giving a whole new look to my blog, firstly the title is changed :-) making it a bit more sensible. Then I am thinking of refining the way I write stuff, so that it makes sense to me when I read it a few months down the lane.
Just reflecting on one of the old questions- 'What is it that makes apparently possible something thats inherently impossible?" And the answer was - 'Maya' as told in one of the books. Now I dont know what that means, but atleast what I feel is that, we are all limited by our own minds. The world we see is the world existing in our minds and there is no doubt that each one lives in his own world. Instead of abstract thoughts, I am thinking of writing down my own experiences in this blog, for a change. I am just writing my thoughts down as they come..

When I was doing my 12th standard, I had no idea whatsoever on what to do next. I never thought about it, in fact, I didnt know it was high time to think about it. One fine day I realised that the exams are coming and it is really important to do well since it will decide almost my life! And I was very poor in Physics, I could never understand this subject. But since I realised it was important to do well, I had no option but to study and put in more effort to study this subject. I painfully put in so much effort that in a few days it became my favorite subject! As I read the last chapters- it was on 'Semiconductor Physics'. I read this chapter only once and understood it so well that I fell in love with it.. At that very moment, I realised that the subject was called- Electronics, and I came to know that there is a field called 'Electronics engineering'. I ran to look at the different colleges that offered this subject and called up the entrance exam cell to find out what were the kinds of ranks I was supposed to get in order to secure a seat for B.E Electronics in Bangalore.. And and I decided that I am going to study electronics engineering. One day I saw students walk by my house with PESIT written on their shirts (that was the name of the engineering college near my house) and I went to the college to check it out... I got passionate about it (dont know for what reason) and I decided I had to get in there!! So, all the activities in my life were decided by such kinds of instantaneous actions and decisions..

And today when I look back, I am surprised that I was so ignorant in the 12th std that I had no idea what engineering was. I dont know if I was living in a different world altogether. At different instances of my life, I think I have been in different kinds of worlds :-) But reading that one chapter decided the whole course of my life.. my mind was completely tuned to that pattern called 'electronics' that I never for a moment thought about a profession without it. Such a small incident making such a huge impact.. really amazing!! And when I think of it, the world of electronics is so huge and the world other than electronics is infinitely more huge.. and what do we know in this world, what can we ever know amongst what there is.. forget about knowing that which is beyond, you cant even know and learn completely- a part of what you are passionate about..At every point, I got inspired by something and that inspiration just took me away along with it, everywhere- whether it is education or work or whatever. In my engineering, I suddenly got passionate of working for Infosys that I thought I would work only there.. and when I got hired by Infy during the final year, I thought my life's goal was fulfilled!! (how foolish).. and then a few weeks later I realised I was being stupid, why the hell did I have to study electronics to get hired by Infy? My passion died there. One thought for the passion to kick in, and just one thought to let it die..

When I was doing my B.E project, I got inspired looking at the 'Intel' logo :-), yes seriously..I asked my friend if Intel has an office in Bangalore (I was in final year engineering and I didnt even know Intel existed in Bangalore, again being ignorant).. and I got mad about it.. that I had to get in there somehow. Again, I felt my life's goal was fulfilled (again foolish!!) and also one fine day left it somehow realising I was being stupid :-) One thought for the passion to kick in, but of course for me, it took sometime to get out of it in this case!

At every point of time, there was a new world that got created by those passions and I lived in those worlds created by myself; those passions got so much hyped up by myself that there was really nothing in them to hype them up so much. I guess we all go through these kinds of situations.
Once we are in any experience, we again get into a different world, only to realise later (perhaps), that it was just one of those experiences we created for ourself and there was probably nothing originally or inherently so fascinating about it..If at all there was any fascination, it was a product of our own imagination.. ( I have edited some contents of this para after I was being misinterpreted for no obvious reasons!)

This is probably a long explanation of what I began with- 'that which makes apparently possible, something thats inherently impossible' ; god knows how many experiences we have gone through and how many there are waiting ..
'kaalah kreedathi gachhathi aayuh' (I dont know what are the english words that come close in meaning to this, but I will try- "Time plays with us, carrying away with it, our life span..")