Friday, January 21, 2011

Reflecting..

Since its been quite sometime since I wrote, I am thinking of giving a whole new look to my blog, firstly the title is changed :-) making it a bit more sensible. Then I am thinking of refining the way I write stuff, so that it makes sense to me when I read it a few months down the lane.
Just reflecting on one of the old questions- 'What is it that makes apparently possible something thats inherently impossible?" And the answer was - 'Maya' as told in one of the books. Now I dont know what that means, but atleast what I feel is that, we are all limited by our own minds. The world we see is the world existing in our minds and there is no doubt that each one lives in his own world. Instead of abstract thoughts, I am thinking of writing down my own experiences in this blog, for a change. I am just writing my thoughts down as they come..

When I was doing my 12th standard, I had no idea whatsoever on what to do next. I never thought about it, in fact, I didnt know it was high time to think about it. One fine day I realised that the exams are coming and it is really important to do well since it will decide almost my life! And I was very poor in Physics, I could never understand this subject. But since I realised it was important to do well, I had no option but to study and put in more effort to study this subject. I painfully put in so much effort that in a few days it became my favorite subject! As I read the last chapters- it was on 'Semiconductor Physics'. I read this chapter only once and understood it so well that I fell in love with it.. At that very moment, I realised that the subject was called- Electronics, and I came to know that there is a field called 'Electronics engineering'. I ran to look at the different colleges that offered this subject and called up the entrance exam cell to find out what were the kinds of ranks I was supposed to get in order to secure a seat for B.E Electronics in Bangalore.. And and I decided that I am going to study electronics engineering. One day I saw students walk by my house with PESIT written on their shirts (that was the name of the engineering college near my house) and I went to the college to check it out... I got passionate about it (dont know for what reason) and I decided I had to get in there!! So, all the activities in my life were decided by such kinds of instantaneous actions and decisions..

And today when I look back, I am surprised that I was so ignorant in the 12th std that I had no idea what engineering was. I dont know if I was living in a different world altogether. At different instances of my life, I think I have been in different kinds of worlds :-) But reading that one chapter decided the whole course of my life.. my mind was completely tuned to that pattern called 'electronics' that I never for a moment thought about a profession without it. Such a small incident making such a huge impact.. really amazing!! And when I think of it, the world of electronics is so huge and the world other than electronics is infinitely more huge.. and what do we know in this world, what can we ever know amongst what there is.. forget about knowing that which is beyond, you cant even know and learn completely- a part of what you are passionate about..At every point, I got inspired by something and that inspiration just took me away along with it, everywhere- whether it is education or work or whatever. In my engineering, I suddenly got passionate of working for Infosys that I thought I would work only there.. and when I got hired by Infy during the final year, I thought my life's goal was fulfilled!! (how foolish).. and then a few weeks later I realised I was being stupid, why the hell did I have to study electronics to get hired by Infy? My passion died there. One thought for the passion to kick in, and just one thought to let it die..

When I was doing my B.E project, I got inspired looking at the 'Intel' logo :-), yes seriously..I asked my friend if Intel has an office in Bangalore (I was in final year engineering and I didnt even know Intel existed in Bangalore, again being ignorant).. and I got mad about it.. that I had to get in there somehow. Again, I felt my life's goal was fulfilled (again foolish!!) and also one fine day left it somehow realising I was being stupid :-) One thought for the passion to kick in, but of course for me, it took sometime to get out of it in this case!

At every point of time, there was a new world that got created by those passions and I lived in those worlds created by myself; those passions got so much hyped up by myself that there was really nothing in them to hype them up so much. I guess we all go through these kinds of situations.
Once we are in any experience, we again get into a different world, only to realise later (perhaps), that it was just one of those experiences we created for ourself and there was probably nothing originally or inherently so fascinating about it..If at all there was any fascination, it was a product of our own imagination.. ( I have edited some contents of this para after I was being misinterpreted for no obvious reasons!)

This is probably a long explanation of what I began with- 'that which makes apparently possible, something thats inherently impossible' ; god knows how many experiences we have gone through and how many there are waiting ..
'kaalah kreedathi gachhathi aayuh' (I dont know what are the english words that come close in meaning to this, but I will try- "Time plays with us, carrying away with it, our life span..")