Getting beyond..

I should probably edit my blog name as 'the heart speaks' instead of 'the mind speaks'..

I was thinking, what really matters in life. What should really matter to me?
In this world, everything is so so so relative with respect to each other's minds. Something that is perfect to me is not perfect for you.

To consider an example:
In an educational institution where thousands of students are graduating, each one with a certain grade, and at the end of it, what does it really mean. Is it that, I got in and got out with a certain grade, got placed in some company, and then again do something there to earn some money, finally get out of there. One fine day, we get out of this world too.. And so.. what did we do at the end of it?

I feel that, someone other than 'myself' cannot quantify the quality of the effort I have put in into some work. To be precise, lets say I make a project report of 6 pages, which is really a result of hard work of about 6 months. Only I know, how much effort I have put in and if I have really put in. People could make a 6 page report in 1 day or even few hours. So, if someone external to me sees the report, he can see only the 6 pages. And again, if those 6 pages are not appealing to the person's mind, he might throw it away as rubbish. So, the point is, should I let someone else judge me or my ability or my work? My ability could be to some extent judged by someone who I consider as my 'teacher', since he knows much better than I do; and I have accepted him as my teacher to lead me to something higher. But, there is no way that someone else can really know how much effort I put in into my work. So, if they consider it as rubbish, should I even care?

And especially when it comes to grading in educational institutions, it has been my observation in the last few months that there is nothing perfect here. Each Professor has his own style of grading because each one has his own idea of the so called bloody perfection of the subject. And a 100% in that subject means what? Does it mean the person knows everything? I have seen students doing nothing, almost copying the assignments from each other and scoring almost 95%, where as a sincere student also scores the same. So, what does it mean? That, it is better to just copy and not spend time on the given job sincerely? Does sincerity have any place in this relative world at all?


So, what does this all lead me to? There could be two conclusions, which are way different:
1. Be like everyone else, just chill! Do things at the last moment, dont be sincere. It doesnt really matter in life!

2. All that matters is satisfaction to myself. Have I done my best? Have I done my job that I was supposed to do? Basically, have I been true to myself, my conscience? If my conscience says yes, then nothing else should matter to me. I shouldnt care if I am compared with someone who hasnt done his job as sincerely but ends up getting the same rewards as I do. Basically, it leads me to the conclusion that, I just do my job 'perfectly' with respect to my own conscience and if I know for myself that I have given my everything, I should learn to dettach myself from the results of it. If I can do that, I can go beyond work. At the end of the 'day', how long am I going to keep working? As long as I am in this world, I have to work, do something or the other, where inevitably I will be 'judged'. And there will be no escape from it. So, do we ever get out of it? get beyond it? where to? and how? what are we here for? to get grades? for someone to certify that I am good? Thats so funny! That shows how small a creature I am, if I am waiting for someone to certify my work and my quality and to get bogged down by these things! I should of course do good. Now, good is also relative.. good with respect to what?



So, where does relativity end? Do we ever get to the 'absolute' good? Who decides it? It gets very tough to express all this beyond this point.. Now, lets say, we look at life as a whole. We come in, do something and die and move on from there.. and repeat it. Till when? Till we get beyond the circle of life and work and death. Till we have expectations and desires, there is no way out. Till we are attached to these little things and their results, there is no escape. Get beyond it.. does it mean that I stop working? If I continue to work as if it is my duty to do so, and do my best sincerely, and get dettached from the results, then there is a possibility of an escape from the circle of work. This is what has been said in Gita and other places. I used to wonder, how can you work without expectation, what does it even mean? If I start off saying I dont want anything, I cant even work, there wouldnt be enough motivation. But I now realised that, work is inevitable, it has to be done. As long as we work, we put in some effort and we get some results. That is also inevitable. But if I continue to work because I want more out of it, working further will also be inevitable. The way out, is to realise that - God/whatever you call it- your own conscience really knows your intentions. He is the unbiased judge- the so called bestower of the results of your actions. If he is pleased, you dont have to bother about anything else. And of course, to please him, you have to be sincere. So, what do I get out of it? Satisfaction. You dont have to ask anyone to check if you are satisfied. You somehow know it for yourself. All that matters should ideally be: Have I done my best? Have I given it my everything? Have I enjoyed doing it? Did I like it? The results should be given up, meaning, you shouldnt be bothered about anything else that you get out of work except the above mentioned things. Because, there is no such thing in life as- 'you HAVE to get it'. There is no such big deal here in this mortal existence. Just imagine, all that you call as you and yours here, now, will be gone into ashes one day. It might sound dramatic, and I might sound like a pessimist; but that is a fact. So, if you are mentally prepared to have this 'mentality' (!) of giving up, here and now, then you really go beyond the small grades and reports and work and this mortal existence as a whole.


When you do this repeatedly, your mind becomes free from expectations and desires, and it really becomes "free".. You begin to realise that life is not to be bound by small, silly things such as comparing yourself with others, feeling jealous about others success, feeling bad when one doesnt get a promotion at work or when one doesnt get good marks in a certain exam or when someone doesnt praise you or if you aren't given importance etc.. These things start to look very silly. And the people who care for such silly things start to look silly. And on top of all this, the whole system that we have in this world, where everything gets judged everywhere- education, work etc., and the people who judge, the whole system looks very silly. I can stand on top of it and laugh at it. At the end of this 'life', I should have gotten over this tiny existence.. And I think, that is why we are here for. Not to get stuck here like in a whirlpool, but to find a way to get over. And as we can see, it is not so easy. That is the real challenge and that is the real and the ultimate examination. If I can get a 100% in this task, I should be done forever, with everything.. I can get an 'ideal' certificate! That is how I think, there is this only one way of getting beyond...