Strength.. Freedom

It is said that strength is life and weakness is death. We should have strength and at the same time, it is important to discover that the strength lies within us. We are and we should be our greatest strength, just that we dont realise it. It is quite natural for we, human beings to depend on someone or identify someone else as our strength- it could be your mother, father, sister, brother, husband, child or a friend. But it is very important to be independent, atleast to gradually get there.  

If one can find happiness in depending on something or someone for strength, how much more happiness lies in discovering the strength that lies within oneself. Just a spark of that inner strength from your own soul can ignite a whole bunch of lives and make their lives happy. The belief and confidence that, "I can achieve anything", "I can solve any problem", "I can do anything", lets you discover so much freedom. Yes, strength and freedom are related..

That is why they say, expansion is life and contraction is death.. The more strength you have, the more you express it and shower it on other's lives.. so you kind of expand yourself. Theres also a saying that- 'the moment you touch the hearts of others, is the moment you truly start living'.. And you can do so only if you expand yourself, only if you firstly have that strength in you..

That is the only way.. There should be no place for weakness. "Na ayam aatma balaheenena labhyah" (This atma cannot be realised by the weak).. There is only one goal and the goal is FREEDOM. And every atom, every being is knowingly or unknowingly marching towards that goal. The more you give up weakness.. ok, now what is weakness? Anything that drags your heart down is weakness. Anything that doesnt guarantee you permanent happiness is not strength..The more you overcome the hurdles in your own minds, the more you realise that freedom in yourself. All imaginations, weaknesses, strength- all these are states of the mind that one experiences.. When all your tendencies are converted into strength and only strength, then, the personality of the being changes and you realise that happiness lies within, in subtler things than grosser things. The more you "move" towards the inner being, the more free you get..

Getting beyond..

I should probably edit my blog name as 'the heart speaks' instead of 'the mind speaks'..

I was thinking, what really matters in life. What should really matter to me?
In this world, everything is so so so relative with respect to each other's minds. Something that is perfect to me is not perfect for you.

To consider an example:
In an educational institution where thousands of students are graduating, each one with a certain grade, and at the end of it, what does it really mean. Is it that, I got in and got out with a certain grade, got placed in some company, and then again do something there to earn some money, finally get out of there. One fine day, we get out of this world too.. And so.. what did we do at the end of it?

I feel that, someone other than 'myself' cannot quantify the quality of the effort I have put in into some work. To be precise, lets say I make a project report of 6 pages, which is really a result of hard work of about 6 months. Only I know, how much effort I have put in and if I have really put in. People could make a 6 page report in 1 day or even few hours. So, if someone external to me sees the report, he can see only the 6 pages. And again, if those 6 pages are not appealing to the person's mind, he might throw it away as rubbish. So, the point is, should I let someone else judge me or my ability or my work? My ability could be to some extent judged by someone who I consider as my 'teacher', since he knows much better than I do; and I have accepted him as my teacher to lead me to something higher. But, there is no way that someone else can really know how much effort I put in into my work. So, if they consider it as rubbish, should I even care?

And especially when it comes to grading in educational institutions, it has been my observation in the last few months that there is nothing perfect here. Each Professor has his own style of grading because each one has his own idea of the so called bloody perfection of the subject. And a 100% in that subject means what? Does it mean the person knows everything? I have seen students doing nothing, almost copying the assignments from each other and scoring almost 95%, where as a sincere student also scores the same. So, what does it mean? That, it is better to just copy and not spend time on the given job sincerely? Does sincerity have any place in this relative world at all?


So, what does this all lead me to? There could be two conclusions, which are way different:
1. Be like everyone else, just chill! Do things at the last moment, dont be sincere. It doesnt really matter in life!

2. All that matters is satisfaction to myself. Have I done my best? Have I done my job that I was supposed to do? Basically, have I been true to myself, my conscience? If my conscience says yes, then nothing else should matter to me. I shouldnt care if I am compared with someone who hasnt done his job as sincerely but ends up getting the same rewards as I do. Basically, it leads me to the conclusion that, I just do my job 'perfectly' with respect to my own conscience and if I know for myself that I have given my everything, I should learn to dettach myself from the results of it. If I can do that, I can go beyond work. At the end of the 'day', how long am I going to keep working? As long as I am in this world, I have to work, do something or the other, where inevitably I will be 'judged'. And there will be no escape from it. So, do we ever get out of it? get beyond it? where to? and how? what are we here for? to get grades? for someone to certify that I am good? Thats so funny! That shows how small a creature I am, if I am waiting for someone to certify my work and my quality and to get bogged down by these things! I should of course do good. Now, good is also relative.. good with respect to what?



So, where does relativity end? Do we ever get to the 'absolute' good? Who decides it? It gets very tough to express all this beyond this point.. Now, lets say, we look at life as a whole. We come in, do something and die and move on from there.. and repeat it. Till when? Till we get beyond the circle of life and work and death. Till we have expectations and desires, there is no way out. Till we are attached to these little things and their results, there is no escape. Get beyond it.. does it mean that I stop working? If I continue to work as if it is my duty to do so, and do my best sincerely, and get dettached from the results, then there is a possibility of an escape from the circle of work. This is what has been said in Gita and other places. I used to wonder, how can you work without expectation, what does it even mean? If I start off saying I dont want anything, I cant even work, there wouldnt be enough motivation. But I now realised that, work is inevitable, it has to be done. As long as we work, we put in some effort and we get some results. That is also inevitable. But if I continue to work because I want more out of it, working further will also be inevitable. The way out, is to realise that - God/whatever you call it- your own conscience really knows your intentions. He is the unbiased judge- the so called bestower of the results of your actions. If he is pleased, you dont have to bother about anything else. And of course, to please him, you have to be sincere. So, what do I get out of it? Satisfaction. You dont have to ask anyone to check if you are satisfied. You somehow know it for yourself. All that matters should ideally be: Have I done my best? Have I given it my everything? Have I enjoyed doing it? Did I like it? The results should be given up, meaning, you shouldnt be bothered about anything else that you get out of work except the above mentioned things. Because, there is no such thing in life as- 'you HAVE to get it'. There is no such big deal here in this mortal existence. Just imagine, all that you call as you and yours here, now, will be gone into ashes one day. It might sound dramatic, and I might sound like a pessimist; but that is a fact. So, if you are mentally prepared to have this 'mentality' (!) of giving up, here and now, then you really go beyond the small grades and reports and work and this mortal existence as a whole.


When you do this repeatedly, your mind becomes free from expectations and desires, and it really becomes "free".. You begin to realise that life is not to be bound by small, silly things such as comparing yourself with others, feeling jealous about others success, feeling bad when one doesnt get a promotion at work or when one doesnt get good marks in a certain exam or when someone doesnt praise you or if you aren't given importance etc.. These things start to look very silly. And the people who care for such silly things start to look silly. And on top of all this, the whole system that we have in this world, where everything gets judged everywhere- education, work etc., and the people who judge, the whole system looks very silly. I can stand on top of it and laugh at it. At the end of this 'life', I should have gotten over this tiny existence.. And I think, that is why we are here for. Not to get stuck here like in a whirlpool, but to find a way to get over. And as we can see, it is not so easy. That is the real challenge and that is the real and the ultimate examination. If I can get a 100% in this task, I should be done forever, with everything.. I can get an 'ideal' certificate! That is how I think, there is this only one way of getting beyond...

A heart

I see so much of a distinction between an animal (like a dog/cow etc) and a human. I saw a cow limping, walking in the middle of the road; nobody caring for it. I saw a hungry dog, that was looking for food inside a dustbin and it looked up at me expecting something. I saw some kind of helplessness in its eyes, looked as if it was making some kind of request. I looked straight into its eyes, and I felt I was connected with it, I felt sorry, helpless. I had just had my dinner, ready-made dinner, cooked by someone else, neatly served on plates, have someone else to wash my plates, and on top of it we still complain that the food is not good, it was a little less saltish, less hot etc.,. I saw another dog rolling in the sand, sleeping in the sun. Why is there so much distinction made between man and an 'animal'? Man has dominated the whole world, thinks he rules it. We study, build institutes, work, do lots and lots of things to "enjoy" at the cost of others happiness, many a times. We can go to any extent, hurting others, killing others, killing animals and eating them.. god save human beings.

Still, what should be that quality of a man that makes this really big distinction, worth it? What should he possess, that makes him worthy of being called a human being, who is rated way way above the other species. I think, it is the "heart". Care for others,  forget your egos and have a heart.. They say that, when you touch the heart of others is the moment you truly start living..Otherwise, what is 'life' after all? When can you say, you are really living?

How many times have we faced this- we dont care for those who care so dearly for us, because we take them for granted. We dont care to listen to them, they are like our secondary priority, whom we will finally resort to, when we feel alone and lost in this world.. We still, dont care to stop for a moment and feel grateful for them. We never said a thanks..Some relationships dont need a thanks, of course.. like that of a child feeling grateful towards parents. This is a really great example, of how most kids dont care for those who really care for them. I feel, this is the only true relationship amongst all the vanishing ones and I care for that relationship a lot..

Thats ok, but this is the funny part- we care a LOT for those who dont care for us.. This is one more very strange quality that I find in human beings. I heard an incident, where a girl was dumped by his boyfriend who proudly wrote that -'finally, I got rid of her'.. and the girl committed a suicide. Can it get more stupid? When a person doesnt value the relationship anymore, there's no point in the other person valuing it anymore either, so much to an extent of committing a suicide. I believe that, people who do not deserve to be given importance, should not be given importance at any cost. Basically, the root cause of all this is that, we are attached to something or somebody and our ego comes in the way of accepting this fact, which leads to agony and anguish. If we just keep things simple, there shouldnt be any worry in this world.

So, coming back to my original point, have a heart.. a simple one..care for others, tell those little thanks, little sorries, little smiles, share those little feelings, feel I say, feel.. and you are on your way to justify, why humans are really supposed to be way ahead of all other species. A dog shows gratitude, it can feel. In fact, all living beings can..(Btw, I dont mean to underestimate a dog or any other animal. Just that I see so many of them everyday, I am just using them as an example. In many cases and in many ways, dogs are much better than humans!)
If you lack a heart, then I am sorry, you are worse than any other creature on this planet, just spending one more day on earth..

Marriage!

Well, I never thought I would be writing about it one day. But today was a different experience! Something I never imagined before. I never became a huge fan of a person just by hearing at his speech, and that too listening to a few minutes, I wanted to go and tell him, 'you are awesome'! And what's more, I recorded his speech (not sure if it was legal) and I am quoting him here in my blog.

If you have been wondering what I am talking about.. here it is.. I attended a wedding in a church today, for the first time in my life. Initially, I was comparing the differences between the cultures. I saw people with pianos, people getting ready to play songs, people with guitar on the stage etc., I had imagined the bride walking down in white dress and all (like we have seen in the movies), and then I thought, I shouldnt expect too much.. just wait and watch..Then the bride really walked down in white saree with a guy, whom I thought was supposed to be her husband. But then it turned out that he was the Pastor (a clergyman or priest in charge of a congregation- Source: dictionary.com), and a good friend of the actual bridegroom.

Then began the sensational talk by the Pastor. I didnt know who he was; I just thought he was the groom's friend.. but later learnt he was 'professional' and the Pastor. I probably felt it was sensational, because I didnt expect that kind of an event to happen there and that kind of a topic being spoken on a wedding day!

Anyway, here it goes..
"If you would remember God everyday in your life, you would have a great marriage. When you are closer to God, we experience love, we experience peace so that we can give it to others..But theres something wrong with human race today, that there is one thing that sticks out- ' I'..We are all about 'me'. In marriage, most of the times, its about me, whats in it for me. Every problem is because I am selfish. But the Bible says, the love of God is not selfish. It is kind and forgiving. The love of God doesnt keep a record, it doesnt say, 'hold on, I remember what you did to me five years ago, you did this to me yesterday'.. the love of God says- 'Jesus paid for you on the cross and I dont remember anything' Because of being selfish, sin came in to the world and death came in to the world"

"Btw, friends, I dont know who you are today. You may be here tonight, but you are going to die one day. 100 years from now you are not gonna be here. What a horrible topic to talk on a wedding morning! Yeah, but that is the reality.  Every one of us are gonna die one day. We are going to grow older and older and I promise you, not one of us will be here, one hundred years from now..But you are gonna be somewhere. Your soul will be somewhere- either in heaven with God or in hell. The Bible is that clear about it. And the bad news is that we are all sinners. The Bible says that St.Paul said- all men are sinners, no man is perfect, none of us are without sin. All of us fall short of God's standard. We have all made mistakes in our lives. Not one of us is worthy, when we die, to stand before the gates of heaven and say that 'I am here, perfect, am a good man, I have never sinned'. Not one of us is able to say that. But the good news is this- the Gospel of Jesus is this-' that the God sent his son, Jesus Christ, the only one who is perfectly holy and sinless. Jesus on the cross took your sins on him. He was not dying as an accident. Jesus was dying so that you could be in heaven one day..If you accept him as your Lord, you will be saved.......
....Do you know where you will go when you die? Have you personally asked God to come in to your life? Have you asked, God, forgive my sins? If you have done that, you will be saved."

"The love that God wants through this marriage is supernatural love between you; that you may live your life, through the love of God. God has put love in man.. it goes beyond when you become old, when you have lost friends, when you have lost jobs and everything..Even when everything is gone, you can still say to each other-'I believe in you'.. Two imperfect people like all of us are, come together and plunge in love for God..This is a very sacred and holy moment. This is the time when Jesus is asking you-'Did you know you will have eternal life? If you believe in me, you will have everlasting life. Do you know where you will go when life will be over.' You might be saying-'who knows and who can know'. But the Bible says differently that those who believe in him, shall have everlasting life. Pray God to come into your lives as the holy spirit."

Many of those sentences were very touching for me.. two of them stand out:
1. "All of us fall short of God's standard."
2. "Not one of us is worthy, when we die, to stand before the gates of heaven and say that 'I am here, perfect, am a good man, I have never sinned'".. I got tears in my eyes as he was saying this..

I wanted to hear more and more.. As I heard him, I felt he was explaining the essence of marriage, as it is supposed to be. Maybe, we too have the mantras and chants etc., which convey much deeper meaning.. but nevertheless, this was a different experience.

And towards the end, I felt that their belief in God was much stronger than the belief I had. Then I thought I shouldn't have compared cultures initially.. since all religions talk about that same goal, just tuned to the different mindsets of people. 

Thank God

I woke up in the morning with my eyes blurred; because I had slept with my eyes covered with my hands. It took nearly 1 hour to be able to see normal. I began to think, how the world might look to me if my eyes were permanently blurred. I started getting scared. How the world might look, if I were blind? Do we care to thank, may be, God that we are able to see? I did, at that moment. Even if I had no reason to thank God, this is really a wonderful reason.. to be able to see. The greatest gift, I thought!

We all know we can "see", not just the vision that eyes offer, but to be able to see things as they are. That is a very difficult thing though. It takes quite a few experiences to be able to really "see". When we start to see and realise things, we start to refine ourselves according to the circumstances. The first time you "see" something differently than what you expected to see, you are taken by surprise. Because, you had a certain previous experience and a certain expectation. So, when what follows doesnt match with your expectation, you are surprised! So, you now modify your 'interpretation' algorithm and set it to the latest experience you had. And then, your expectation changes accordingly. The next time you "see" the same thing, if you are taken by surprise, you modify your algorithm again. Anyway, as you go through these, you take a hit every time, but you also go through this wonderful act of realisation. You become a more refined person, because atleast you are starting to "see" things clearly. And when you get hit more, the stronger you get. But this process gets saturated somewhere.. that happens either when you get the "real" picture of the thing (after which you no longer need to run the algorithm) or when we you have become strong enough not to get affected by anything or when you no longer expect anything.

The root cause of all evil is this expectation. Expectation everywhere, about everything and with everyone. The moment this can be controlled, I can say, we will be able to handle ourselves much better and really see things as they are, and... as... they... Always.... were. Yes, things hardly change, but our 'idea' of the thing changes. When the illusion about the idea vanishes, the thing is seen clearly, as it ALWAYS WAS.

I wanted to thank someone for having brought me out strong from all the experiences that I have had in life so far, howsoever tough they have been. 'Thank God'.. thats what naturally comes out when we feel thankful for something that has happened, which is beyond our control. So, I thank God. I thank God, for making me realise how stupid I was in the past, for making me realise how much better I could have been, for how events happened which were not under my control (there are many such, in all our lives), for guiding me every moment and making me realise every moment on what I should and shouldn't do..

I sometimes think, if I could have 'seen' better yesterday, I could have been a lot better. But its always better late than never right? I can see better today, and for that, I thank God again..

Another first experience in..

I had an earlier blog post, about five years ago, whose title also read something similar, saying- 'my first experience in...'. But that was also 'the last experience in...'.

Now, this experience that I am writing about, I am pretty sure it is not the last experience, but surely the 'first' of its kind. I was supposed to teach Analog electronics to BTechs here in IITB as a Teaching Assistant for their course. Not really "teach" the subject as such, but then make them solve some examples- something they call a 'tutorial' here. I had some apprehensions about teaching UGs in IITB, they are pretty smart guys, I thought.. After all, they cracked the JEE, didn't they? So, to prepare myself, I sat along with them during their regular class hours for Analog electronics, to know what's going on in the class, so that I can know what I should be doing during the tutorial. It was a class of limited seats- only 40 students were allowed to register- hmm...decent crowd for me to start with, I thought! These guys didnt know what a high pass and a low pass filter were. And they were pretty decent in the class, so I thought it may not be tough for me to handle them!

Now coming to the tutorial day..When I entered the class, I made sure I wasnt going to stand on the dais of a different class, so I asked them if this was the same class. And I thought that students wont show up for a tutorial class, but almost the whole class was seated, at 6.30pm sharp! Wow, impressive! And the room didnt have speakers or mike, and I wasnt audible at the back benches, so I turned off the fan, because I believed that the noise made by the fan running at full speed was preventing my voice from reaching far! One girl gave me a staring look since I switched off the fan near her.. I knew, so I asked her- is it ok? And she had to say, yes, its ok! That girl didnt open her book to write down anything.. she wasnt happy attending a tutorial for this subject which was supposed to be a 'Minor' subject- which gave her only 6 credits instead of the 8 credits that they normally get. She didnt feel it was worth spending one extra hour a week on a 6-credit course. I said, I cant help it.. its been told that the tutorial was compulsory and she had a pathetic look on her face.. I dont know why it should be compulsory.. if she is not going to listen to me, what's the point in coming there for the heck of it? If I was the Prof, I would say so..

Anyway, I started with drawing simple RC circuits and transient response. These guys were 2nd year guys who didnt know Network analysis or Laplace transforms. So, I had to teach them simple RC circuit analysis. I also taught them what's inside an operational amplifier- thats a differential amplifier. Apparently, that wasn't what I was asked by the Prof to do. She was supposed to teach the concepts and I was supposed to show some applications and examples. But since they weren't aware of some concepts, I spoke about it, and I liked it..
After all, what's the big deal in solving examples? All text books have them, and these simple substitution of values into formula- am sure these IIT UGs are smart to figure them out themselves..
I realised I didnt like to just show examples.. I wanted to take command on the subject, on really 'teaching'..  I wanted to teach concepts.. good, isn't it? And did decently well in handling questions too!
And the best part was, as I expected from EE students (:-))- the students behaved really decent, of course we have some mutual respect, dont we?

There were some guys talking to each other and laughing occassionally, but I didnt want to interrupt the class and treat them like primary school children, saying the same old dialogue of - "Please share the joke with the class.." etc.. It would have been funny if I did that. I wanted to be really professional, like my guide here. I love being professional where it is required.
It was good.. people were writing down notes also and nodding their heads- atleast the first benchers! There were some who didnt open any book also.. but they were the back benchers as one would expect. I was glad I was teaching something that made sense to some atleast.

The funny part was when I took the attendance (which I was asked to take!), it was a real 'first' experience. The last time I probably took attendence was when I used to play this 'teacher' game at home when I was in 1st standard, wearing a saree and broken glasses, holding a stick as if scaring students (there were none really!) and writing stuff on blackboard at home.
Now, I was really taking attendance..Apparently, in a couple of cases, I read out the student's middle name, and they said-'That's my father's name, not my name!' That was funny!

I managed to talk for 50 minutes! And I wasnt nervous.. good! And my hands were full of chalk powder :-)

I had done some volunteering work in the past, and the class I had taught was 8th and 10th standards. That was all unofficial teaching though..
But now this teaching was 'official' and it will go on. Hehe, I am officially a 'teacher'.. sounds weird! I should wear some glasses from next time, it will give me that teacher 'look', yeah that 'look'!

Overall it was good. My next turn is after 3 weeks. And I hope to do better!
(I like to decorate my blog with images.. :-) Otherwise, I think it looks boring. I myself cant read my blogs without pictures, these days!)

"The idea of you"

Lets do some basic definitions first. Lets define the mind, keep it simple.. it is something which has acquired certain qualities based on prior experiences and you 'see' the world through it. On a very plain note, it is mostly like a look-up table, where in, if it sees something it has previously seen, it looks it up, matches with the already existing data and returns a 'match found' signal if it finds a match, else a returns a 'no match found'- pigeonholing- as they call it technically. i.e., say it (mind) sees a dog. It has learnt from childhood days how a dog looks like and as soon as it sees it, the mind finds a match with its look-up table and identifies it. Knowledge flashes on it and you call this 'perception' or 'recognition'.

Say, you come across a strange animal which you havent seen before.
The mind still does the search, cannot recognise it, so it is confused. It has no prior information and what it will most probably do is to try to find out what the thing was.. may be the first act is to ask someone and then try to google it out, to confirm (because these days we rely more on internet than what people say. Unless google or wiki says something, I dont trust it kind of a thing!). It then adds this new entry to its look-up table, so that the next time you see the same thing, it is no longer new, and you immediately recognize it, without any delay. So, we have in some crude sense, defined 'recognition' or 'perception' and lets call our first look-up table as a "table of objects".

Now, we come to the more complex 'interpretation'. I am mostly referring to interpretations you do when you deal with sentient (conscious) beings than with insentient things (like objects), so to put it in plain words, when you deal with living beings. You come into this world with your mind. The way you 'interpret' a thing might be completely different from the way I interpret it, which could inturn be totally different from what it actually is. So, when you are reading people's faces, unless you have the art to read their mind, I feel, it is very hard to interpret them right. The reason is this: when you are recognising an object, it is very easy to do it. It is just a look-up table like I said, and if you see a lion, you map it to a lion and you see a monkey, you map it to a monkey, because some ancestor of us has defined that an animal which looks like 'xyz' should be called a monkey. So, everyone started calling it monkey and it became an universally accepted name. You learnt it in your school and you defined an element in your look-up table as monkey and map it to it. The logic circuit for recognising such things, is very simple.

But when it comes to 'recognising' other's minds, which means, you are trying to interpret an act or a behavior or in short, call it "interpreting people", there need to be so many combinations in your table. First of all, there are so many tendencies in people, so very different kinds of nature. Each mind has its own conditioning and ways of looking at things. There are so many emotions/feelings- happiness, sadness,anger, hatred, love, friendship, shyness,guilt,deception,trust,disbelief, humor and so on. There's a saying that the face is the index of your mind. I think you can make out some basic things from people's faces. Like, for example, if somebody is happy, you can make out from their face and you map it in your mind to one of these feelings and recognise that the expression on their face maps to happiness and hence you know that they are happy. So, here we form our second look-up table- a "table of emotions". Similarly, when some incident has happened to someone, which makes him angry, you can make out almost with complete certainty from his face that the person is angry, especially because you know some history behind what has caused him anger. But you can never be totally sure what is the extent of anger, or how much the anger has taken over him, unless he goes wild like a mad person or shouts or something. He might show anger on you but could still have complete control on himself and might not be affected by it. This thing which happens in his mind, you can never know for sure.

Some people are good in pretending. Like for example, if my friend has achieved something great, I am ideally supposed to feel very happy for her. But because I am not perfect and am a human, I might actually feel some jealousy for her. On the outset, I might wish and congratulate her happily, but how happy am I really for her, nobody knows. If lets say a person dies, and his son is crying and all. You never know if the person is really feeling sad, or just pretending because he IS supposed to cry. He might have always wanted his dad's property and might have been waiting for him to die! You never know. So, it is a tough thing firstly to form an idea of a person and also interpret him/her perfectly.

Also, it is hard to judge people by just meeting them or hearing to them for a few minutes. You might get sufficient idea about them, a rough sketch- like the person is
A- smart/dumb,
B- ok to approach/not,
C- friendly/not,
D- shy/open,
E- talkative/silent/reserved,
F- jovial/serious,
such kinds of things. So, thats your first impression and you start making an idea or a picture of the person as a combination of one or more things. So, that means, your mind is trying to create a new entry in its new (third so far) "look-up table of impressions" with a logic circuit of these or more items. Say for example- you have met an open/smart/friendly person- so our logic circuit is D2-A1-C1. Now the next time you meet the person, you mind maps him/her to this logic and the more you talk, you add your impressions to this logic. You start building more impressions as you get to know the person better. Now, this is where your logic might get complicated or even broken. As you get to know better, you start to 'interpret' the person. And you interpret based on the impressions you have already formed in your mind, which is completely dependent on the way your mind has been trained to interpret. When you get to be friends, you get more connected and build a more complicated logic circuit in interpreting one's actions, get  involved in emotions or whatever. You started with a simple logic expression of first impression (which can be said as almost always right- atleat wrt to the items I have described above), and now you end up being emotionally connected.

This calls for a lot of things. Firstly, you would be interpreted for every act of yours, and you would be expected to behave in a certain way so that the other person would not interpret you in a wrong manner. Till now, we have been talking about the involvement of just 2 people. Now, you are not living in a world that's closed. You meet a lot of people everyday who have a lot of tendencies of their own. If you have to reason out everytime on how to act or respond to a certain person in a certain scenario, and if you have to do this with all the people, life gets too complicated. I can, at best act true to my conscience. The moment I know I am doing or behaving in a wrong way, my conscience warns me, and I dont perform the act. Or to be honest, most of the times, I perform the act and then get warned that I did something wrong! But I cannot keep reasoning out before every act of mine, keeping in mind how the other person or even the world would interpret me, because it is simply impossible for me to even think how others might interpret me. It would get into some deadlock kind of a situation- me trying to interpret the other is simply impossible and me waiting to act based on that interpretation would put me in a never-ending 'wait' statement'. So, to evaluate the 'wait' statement, I need to use a condition, which might again be different each time I evaluate it. So, this whole sequential logic of behaviors and interpretations and dealing with people, breaks down at some point. At this point, I give up, I just dont interpret. I just act, and leave it at that.

Thus, each one has his own image of the world, or the 'idea of the world' and thats essentially the 'pattern' of the world set in his mind or as 'seen' through his mind. We are all living in our own universes- parallel universes as I often call it. I am in your universe and I have so many more people in my universe who inturn have their own, so I call them nested parallel universes. And what are these universes formed of? They are formed of ideas. "It is not about you, it is the idea of you" a friend told me, and the moment I heard it, I was excited about this statement. "It is not about you, it is the idea of you!" I get excited to write a whole book on this sentence, if I probably read this sentence 10 times a day, I can get inspired enough! I like it!

So, the ideas form this universe of mine and I live in it. I get attached to these ideas, find it difficult to imagine myself in any other world of ideas. But when I find a new world of ideas or rather create a new world of ideas, the old one would drop off on its own or gets transformed into the new one, thus the new one takes over. We thus move from one creation to another.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigeonholing

Reflecting..

Since its been quite sometime since I wrote, I am thinking of giving a whole new look to my blog, firstly the title is changed :-) making it a bit more sensible. Then I am thinking of refining the way I write stuff, so that it makes sense to me when I read it a few months down the lane.
Just reflecting on one of the old questions- 'What is it that makes apparently possible something thats inherently impossible?" And the answer was - 'Maya' as told in one of the books. Now I dont know what that means, but atleast what I feel is that, we are all limited by our own minds. The world we see is the world existing in our minds and there is no doubt that each one lives in his own world. Instead of abstract thoughts, I am thinking of writing down my own experiences in this blog, for a change. I am just writing my thoughts down as they come..

When I was doing my 12th standard, I had no idea whatsoever on what to do next. I never thought about it, in fact, I didnt know it was high time to think about it. One fine day I realised that the exams are coming and it is really important to do well since it will decide almost my life! And I was very poor in Physics, I could never understand this subject. But since I realised it was important to do well, I had no option but to study and put in more effort to study this subject. I painfully put in so much effort that in a few days it became my favorite subject! As I read the last chapters- it was on 'Semiconductor Physics'. I read this chapter only once and understood it so well that I fell in love with it.. At that very moment, I realised that the subject was called- Electronics, and I came to know that there is a field called 'Electronics engineering'. I ran to look at the different colleges that offered this subject and called up the entrance exam cell to find out what were the kinds of ranks I was supposed to get in order to secure a seat for B.E Electronics in Bangalore.. And and I decided that I am going to study electronics engineering. One day I saw students walk by my house with PESIT written on their shirts (that was the name of the engineering college near my house) and I went to the college to check it out... I got passionate about it (dont know for what reason) and I decided I had to get in there!! So, all the activities in my life were decided by such kinds of instantaneous actions and decisions..

And today when I look back, I am surprised that I was so ignorant in the 12th std that I had no idea what engineering was. I dont know if I was living in a different world altogether. At different instances of my life, I think I have been in different kinds of worlds :-) But reading that one chapter decided the whole course of my life.. my mind was completely tuned to that pattern called 'electronics' that I never for a moment thought about a profession without it. Such a small incident making such a huge impact.. really amazing!! And when I think of it, the world of electronics is so huge and the world other than electronics is infinitely more huge.. and what do we know in this world, what can we ever know amongst what there is.. forget about knowing that which is beyond, you cant even know and learn completely- a part of what you are passionate about..At every point, I got inspired by something and that inspiration just took me away along with it, everywhere- whether it is education or work or whatever. In my engineering, I suddenly got passionate of working for Infosys that I thought I would work only there.. and when I got hired by Infy during the final year, I thought my life's goal was fulfilled!! (how foolish).. and then a few weeks later I realised I was being stupid, why the hell did I have to study electronics to get hired by Infy? My passion died there. One thought for the passion to kick in, and just one thought to let it die..

When I was doing my B.E project, I got inspired looking at the 'Intel' logo :-), yes seriously..I asked my friend if Intel has an office in Bangalore (I was in final year engineering and I didnt even know Intel existed in Bangalore, again being ignorant).. and I got mad about it.. that I had to get in there somehow. Again, I felt my life's goal was fulfilled (again foolish!!) and also one fine day left it somehow realising I was being stupid :-) One thought for the passion to kick in, but of course for me, it took sometime to get out of it in this case!

At every point of time, there was a new world that got created by those passions and I lived in those worlds created by myself; those passions got so much hyped up by myself that there was really nothing in them to hype them up so much. I guess we all go through these kinds of situations.
Once we are in any experience, we again get into a different world, only to realise later (perhaps), that it was just one of those experiences we created for ourself and there was probably nothing originally or inherently so fascinating about it..If at all there was any fascination, it was a product of our own imagination.. ( I have edited some contents of this para after I was being misinterpreted for no obvious reasons!)

This is probably a long explanation of what I began with- 'that which makes apparently possible, something thats inherently impossible' ; god knows how many experiences we have gone through and how many there are waiting ..
'kaalah kreedathi gachhathi aayuh' (I dont know what are the english words that come close in meaning to this, but I will try- "Time plays with us, carrying away with it, our life span..") 

Various patterns

When we observe people around, we find that we can categorise them based on some common features- esp their behavior which depends completely on their nature. So, basically we categorise the different natures. And I think, that's how the different states, countries or the worlds that we see around us have been formed. For e.g., If you observe the thought process and nature of the Americans, you find a commonality in most of them- that is, when you say you are an American, we get an idea of what sort of a person you 'could' be- like- independent-living, fun-loving type. When you say you are an Asian, people generally are subtle and obliging type. These are just examples, but in general, depending on the kind of nature you have, you create that kind of an environment around you. When you say you belong to Karnataka, Tamil Nadu, North India etc., we again find a similar trend- "similar patterns of nature". We immediately form an idea in our mind about what sort of a person you could be.

Also, an interesting thing is that- people who believe in astrology assume that planets and their positions have an influence on their lives and many can even predict future direction. I think your nature has a direct connection to the time in which you were born and the associated planetary positions during that time or atleast, we can try to link it up. Given that you are born with a certain nature and some inherent tendencies, your life or the likely path you might tread in your life are mostly dictated by those tendencies or patterns. People can generally get to know what kind of a person and what kind of a life you will 'tend' to lead if they know your tendencies. But people cannot read your patterns unless they know how to read your mind. So, instead they can read planets!

Now, the planets also follow some trend- they probably go through some changes in positions based on which the different astrological signs are created. If there was a way to link up the tendencies (which in turn lead to some events in life) and the planetary movements, man can predict consequences in life through planets and I think that's how astrology should have been born, although I dont know if people ever look at it from that point of view. So, when he knows your bith star or horoscope, he can predict what's the likely path you can tread. Now that's a great thing, but he attributes all this to the poor planets- and says that planetary positions cause such and such a thing in life. That's when I would disagree. If your nature is under your total control, who cares for the planets. If you are capable of changing your nature to adapt yourself to happenings in your life, why care for planetary positions? So, basically I am trying to say that- astrology can also be seen as linked to your "patterns" and depending on the different patterns, you find people getting categorised in astrology under different astrological signs.

Again, here, you will find commonality between people under the same sign. And people say- If you are born in December- you are likely to be acting in a particular way, if you are born in July- in a different manner etc., So, we categorise people with certain nature into certain signs. This again goes back to our first example of how we categorised people in different countries based on their nature.

The same can be observed with respect to animals- the ones having majestic and dominating nature being born as tigers/lions, the ones with a tender nature as a sheep or a deer etc., So everywhere there is this categorisation- some boundaries within which you have defined your nature.

I would just reword the common statements that people make. Instead of saying- you are the way you are, because you are an Indian or a Cancerian born in a certain village, I would say- Because you are the way you are, you chose to be an Indian and a Cancerian in the village you are!
It is the same case with different professions. When we find a professional, we say that he has certain qualities because he is an MBA or a lawyer or a theatre artist etc., but I would say that because his nature already had those tendencies for those qualities, he could become an MBA or a lawyer or an artist.
It is really amazing the way the countries and states and castes and in general - the world has got demarcated based solely on "nature", on their "patterns".

A chess talk

The venue was awesome- one of those halls in the Chinnaswamy stadium. And it was meant to be a chess event! It was the inaugural NIIT corporate chess championship held under the guidance of United Karnataka Chess Association. Nearly 180 participants from about 30 organizations participated in a 4-day event from 17th to 20th December and we understand from UKCA that this is a 'Record by many lengths' in the history of corporate chess in Karnataka. The big deal was that the top 20 players from the individual events would get to play Viswanathan Anand in simultaneous chess!
We participated in team and individual events and one of our team guys getting to the top 20 was the spotlight. And it was an amazing experience to watch Anand.

He wouldnt think about his moves (and if he thought, he cant be the Grandmaster that he is), and if he paused near a board for a couple of seconds, that meant the opponent made a good move and that was really when we could hope to take a picture of his. Otherwise, he would just move so fast that we couldnt get a proper snap.

Depending on the opponent's move, he would either give him a cold stare or a mild smile! He played for 1 hr and 15minutes and the game stopped irrespective of the positions. And then he walked to each board, rearranged the positions to that of the middle game and analyzed the game, explaining how the position could have been improved. He told a few opponents- 'I dont see how I have an advantage. We are equal on positions'! It was amazing that he remembered the positions of all those 20 boards and could re-arrange the board himself to explain the opponent.

And now came the best part of the event- his talk. I am quoting some of his words here, which I was impressed with:

"You can relate chess to life or business. It is not about how to get to a good square, but it is about winning a game. You need to learn how to be dettached from the results. The best players are those who have learnt to forget their defeats and get along. Some are even able to do that in a game after they have made bad moves. At any point, you should think what is the best move givene current position, instead of reflecting on the bad moves you have made.

And you shouldn't think about the outcome of the game when you are playing. If you are more keen on the result, misery is sure to follow. And if you let the defeats play on your mind, chess is sure to fall off the cliff.

Some people asked me if I remember every move I made on all boards. Honestly, I don't. But I remember the positions. If you have seen 1000 boards, the positions are bound to repeat. And as soon as you see the same pattern, you would recognise and know what's the good move to make. When you come across a pattern that you haven't seen, sometimes you make a move out of intuition. At the point of making the move, you wouldn't know why you made it, but when you go home and analyze, you will realize that it was the best move. This kind of intuition comes naturally to you after years and years of repeated hard work and practice. And all the practice you do is really to get this intuition!!"

At this point, I felt he was talking the highest philosophy!

An amazing person, he gave autographs and posed for snaps with all the people who requested for it, he played the simulatenous game and analysis for 2 hours and still gave a 30-minute talk and participated in a close-to 1.5 hour prize distribution ceremony, and told the players that they were all playing almost equal to him!

Something different this time..

Just realising that reading newspaper is not a waste of time after all..

This was an article in the 'Deccan herald'- 'Open Sesame'- Oct 9 '09 - written by a Class-5 student. It is a biography of a 'five rupee coin' :-) Sounds funny, but this is the first time I have read something so creative.
..and it reads thus:

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Hello! I am a five rupee coin. I have had many interesting adventures so far and would like to tell you about some of them.

Here goes! I was first owned by a little girl named Nandita (hehe, yeah- this was the name used by the student, I was like- 'wow, ok..') who was very forgetful (and now-I was like- 'oops!'). One day she put me in her pocket and went to the backyard to skip. She forgot all about me and did not even realize when I fell out of her pocket. When she finally realized, a wild goose chase started. She hunted for me all round the backyard. “Will she ever realize I’m on the window sill?” I wondered. After what seemed like ages, she found me.

Nandita had a friend named Aarya. Both their families were close friends. Aarya’s father was an umpire. One day he asked Nandita if she had a five rupee coin in return for two 2’s and one 1 rupee coin.
So I was given off to the umpire, who took me to the next cricket match he attended. I was used there for the toss. I actually got to be flipped by Dhoni and watched by the other greatplayers! After the match was over the umpire was walking home with me in his pocket. On the way he stopped at a small roadside shop.
I was given to the shopkeeper for a cup of tea.

Now I was really tired of being given from one person to another.
Thankfully, kind Mr. Shopkeeper kept me in his table drawer for a few days. Then I was given to a girl called Shruti as change. She put me in her pocket and took me home. So here I am now, sitting in her piggy bank with loads of other coins and rupee notes.
I have made a lot of new friends here. I’ve heard that Shruti’s saving up to buy a present for her cousin, Aditi. I know that one day I will be used to buy something that will make Aditi very happy, and that I’m going to have many more adventures that I’ll tell you all about.
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The name of the student who wrote this was Aditi and the name of the article was: 'Dhoni and the five rupee coin!'
Imagination knows no limits.. Wonder how she got the idea to write about a coin and how much time she put in to imagine all this.. I would say- 'Well written, kids of this generation really have a lot of talent in them!'

Another awesome number..

A must listen.. Here's another awesome song by Annamayya. Extremely melodious..

This link has lyrics of almost all Annamayya keerthanas in pdf format- in 5 languages. A great collection worth having..

In this kIrtana, "chUdaramma satulArA", Annamayya narrates to the ladies...(Oh! SathulArA !) about the great qualities of Goddess AnDAL (Padmavathi) , the consort of Lord SrInivAsa. In every stanza, Annamayya uses the word "chUDi kuDutha nAnchAri", which melodiously fits in to the song... (This word is actually a Tamil word and familiar to Sri Vaishnava sampradAya , which refers to "AnDAL")

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"chUdaramma satulArA" lyrics

pa :
chUDaramma satulArA sObAna pADaramma
kUDunnadi pati cUDi kuDuta nAMcAri

Oh ladies ! See HER (AnDAL) and sing for HER well being. SHE (AnDAL) is now with HER consort (Lord vEnkaTEswara).

ca 1 :
SrImahAlakShmiyaTa siMgArAlakE marudu
kAmuni talliyaTa cakkadanAlakE marudu
sOmuni tObuTTuvaTa soMpukaLalakEmarudu
kOmalAMgi I cUDi kuDuta nAMcAri

SHE is "SrI MahA lakshmi"(Goddess of wealth) HERSELF, where is the paucity of wealth to HER. SHE is the mother of "kAmuDu"(god of romance), then where is the paucity for HER Beauty(chakkadanamu). SHE is the sister of "Moon" (god of 16 beautiful arts), then where is the paucity of HER beautiful artistry (sompu kaLalu). Thus chUDIkuDutha nAnchAri is so beautiful with all the above qualities.

ca 2 :
kalaSAbdhi kUturaTa gaMBIralakE marudu
talapalOka mAtayaTa daya mari Emarudu
jalajanivAsiniyaTa calladanamEmarudu
koladimIra I cUDi kuDuta nAMcAri

SHE is the daughter of "kalasAbdhi" (god of milky ocean with humble nature) , then where is the paucity of HER humility (GambhIramu). SHE is the mother of the whole universe, so where is the paucity of HER mercy(towards all the creatures). SHE resides on the Lotus (Jalaja nivAsini) , then where is the paucity of HER cool nature (to take care of HIS devotees). ChUDikuDutha nAnchAri is thus incomparable (matchless) in the above said qualities.

ca 3 :
amaravaMditayaTa aTTI mahima Emarudu
amRutamu cuTTamaTa AnaMdAlakEmarudu
tamitO SrIvEMkaTESu dAne vacci peMDlADe
kaumera vayassu I cUDi kuDuta nAMcAri

SHE is praised by all the gods (amaravandita), then where is the paucity of HER power. SHE is the relative of "Amrutamu" (the symbol of bliss, immortality), then where is the paucity for HER bliss. Knowing that SHE has all these great qualities in HER, lord SrI vEnkaTEswara directly came in love of HER and married HER (As SrI RanganAtha of Sri Rangam). Such a young beautiful goddess is chUDi kuDutha nAnchAri.

Annamayya song- the language so close to the heart

This is an awesome song by Annamayya where he describes symbolically the cycle of creation as the divine sport of the Almighty. He visualises the swing as the cosmos with Dharma as base.

The lyrics themselves are full of content, but it seems that the song has derived its beauty from the richness inherent in the language of Telugu, so beautiful that the language comes extremely close to the heart. The language adds melody to the great song composed by this great person. I consider it my great privilege to have been acquainted with this great language.. It seems to me that language is extremely important to convey an idea and I almost consider this language equal to Sanskrit.

The song is available here and the lyrics+meanings follow:
alara chanchala maina - madhyamAvati -Adi
P
alara chanchalamaina AtmalandunDanee yalavATu chEsE nee uyyAlapalumAru nuchvAsa pavanamandunDanee bhavambu delipe nee vuyyAla
Oh Lord,You shine in all souls and also in the air we breathe.The transcient nature of creation is your divine leela and splendor. It is the divine swing.

C 1
udayAsta Sailambu lonara kambambu lainauDumanDalamu mOche nuyyAlaadana AkASa padamu addou dulambainaakhilambu ninDe nee uyyAla
The dawn and dusk are mountain-like pillars and the sky itself is beam across, bearing the swing-like cosmos.

C 2
padilamuga vEdamulu bangAru chErulai paTTi verapai tOche uyyAlavadala kiTu dharma dEvata peeThamaimigula varNimpa narudAye vuyyAla
The Vedas are golden chains holding the swing safely.The seat of the cradle is Dharma.It is indeed an amazing swing.

C 3Melu kaTlai meeku mEgha manDala mellamerugunaku merugAye vuyyAlaneela Sailamu vanTi nee mEni kAntikinijamaina toDavAye vuyyAla
C 4 pAlinDlu kadalaga payyedalu rApADabhAminulu vaDi nuchu vuyyalavoli brahmAnDamulu vorigenO yanibheeti noyya noyya nairi voochi ruyyAla
C 5kamalakunu bhupatikini kadalu kadalukumimmu kougalimpa jEse nuyyAlaamarAnganalaku nee hAsa bbhAva vilAsa mandandu chupe nee vuyyAla
C 6 kamalAsanAdulaku kannula panDugaigaNutimpa narudAye vuyyAlakamaniya murti venkaTa Saila patineeku kaDu vEDukai vunDe vuyyAla

The panaromic clouds enhance your brilliance, shining like a blue mountain.The clouds are your your ornament.Beautiful women feared that the cosmos would tilt but they continue to push the swing swiftly.The scary movement of the swing made you embrace your consort. The celestial women found your delight and happiness in the swing.It is a rare feast to Brahma and other celestials to worship you. The magnificient Lord of Venkatadri is extremely delighted with the swing.

"Tumhara tyag tumhara bhushan hoga"

“Tumhara tyag tumhara bhushan hoga’’

These words were scribbled by Gandhi while signing an autograph for a 16-year-old girl on January 13, 1934 at Vatakara in Kozhikode. The ‘tyag’ that the Mahatma wrote about was the girl’s renunciation of all the ornaments she wore when he went there in connection with the fund raising for the Harijan Sahaya Nidhi. The girl was Kaumudi, or Kaumudi Teacher as she came to be known later.

I had not heard of her till I read this news article and this blog posting is mostly taken from that article. How many of us have heard this before?

Gandhiji himself wrote about Kaumudi’s gesture in ‘Harijan’ as well as other journals. Here’s how he described it.

"..I cannot recall a scene more touching than that of the Harijan cause. I had just finished my speech at Badagara. In it I had made a reasoned appeal to the women present for jewellery. I had finished speaking and was selling the presents received when gently walked up to the platform Kaumudi, a girl 16 years old.

She took out one bangle and asked me if I would give my autograph. I was preparing to give it, when off came the other bangle. She had only one on each hand. I said, “You need not give me both, I shall give you the autograph for one bangle only.” She replied by taking off her golden necklace. This was no easy performance. It had to be disengaged from her long plait of hair…!!

“But have you the permission of your parents?” I asked. There was no answer. She had not yet completed her renunciation. Her hands automatically went to her ears and out came her jeweled ear-rings amid the ringing cheers of the public, whose expression of joy was no longer to be suppressed. I asked her again whether she had her parents’ consent to the sacrifice.

Before I could extract any answer from the shy girl, someone told me that her father was present at the meeting, that he was himself helping me by bidding for the addresses I was auctioning and that he was as generous as his daughter in giving to worthy causes. I reminded Kaumudi that she was not to have the ornaments replaced. She resolutely assented to the condition.

As I handed her the autograph, I could not help prefacing it with the remark, “Your renunciation is a truer ornament than the jewellery you have discarded.” !!

These words from Gandhiji kindled an undying spirit of sacrifice in Kaumudi teacher who got the honour of being the first Hindi teacher in Malabar. She retired from service in 1972 and worked in the ashram of Vinobha Bhave in Thiruvananthapuram. Kaumudi teacher’s heroic sacrifice has been included in text books as well. She remained unmarried and has been honored by Gandhian organisations.

Wow! Such lives are a real source of inspiration. This land of ours has had many such people and needs many more such... They are remembered, though not as well as they deserve to be.

My favorite tune

Vara leela gana lola...

I have been listening to this awesome one. Enthusiasts of classical music would love the tune.

The song sung by Unnikrishnan can be found at this link and the meaning/lyrics here. Wait..

I recorded this song sung by a couple of young girls and uploaded it here. (I wasn't familiar with any site where I could upload audios. So, I found this 'zshare' site. You might encounter some nasty ads! Pls recommend a better place to upload audios if you are aware of) You might encounter some background disturbances in this recording, but I would recommend listening to this, concentrate on the song and the tune- no instruments, no editing, more natural and simply superb. I have been playing this non-stop. Enjoy!

Lyrics:

Pallavi:

vara-līla gāna-lōla sura-pāla suguna-jāla bharita nīla-gala hrdālaya śruti-mūla sukarunālavāla pālayāśu mām

Charanam:

sura vanditāpta brnda vara mandara dhara sundara kara kunda radana indu mukha sanandana nutananda nandanēndirā vara

muni cintanīya swānta narakāntaka nigamānta carana kānta kuśa lavānta rahita dānta kuja vasanta santa tāntaka stuta

vara bhūsa vamśa bhūsa nata pōsana mrdu bhāsana ripu bhīsana nara vēsa naga pesana vara śēsa bhūsa tōsitānagha

sukavīśa hrnnivēśa jagadīśa ku bhava pāśa rahita śrīśasura-ganēśa hita jalēśa nayana kēśavāśamīśa durlabha

ranadhīra sarva sāra sukumāra budha vihāra danuja nīra dhara samīrana karunā rasa paripūrna jāra cōra pāhi mām

nara raksa nīrajāksa vara rāksasa mada śiksaka sura yaksa sanaka riksapati nutāksa harana paksa daksa śiksaka priya

raghu rāja tyāgarāja nuta rāja divasa-rāja nayana bhō jagadava nāja janaka-rāja jaya virāja rāja rāja pūjita

Few thoughts

I have hibernated enough. Resuming now, after realising that blogging is not a bad habit after all. For those of us who have mostly been working in the IT industry, we might hardly find time to do anything else. Amidst all this, there are people who continue to pursue their passions as their main goal and are able to treat their job as just an occupation. Hats off to them.

But anyway, I feel we may not find many people who say that they have enough time on their hands. When I got some time off work, I found I had plenty of time, with absolutely nothing to do. I dont remember the last time I found myself so free to do anything. No, not even the summer vacations during schooling, not even the break after the college, this was something different. I was thinking, what are the other professions I can choose, what can I do other than staring at the computer in a cubicle for the rest of my life. You could be working on an advanced technology, could be involved in an Apple notebook design or could be designing a silicon like 'Atom' that would go into handhelds and netbooks, but a question comes at the end of it all, a strange one indeed. I was generally observing the daily happenings in and around my house, people doing different kinds of jobs -rushing back to their homes at around 5pm, generally observing 'lives' and things around. It seemed as if I was doing something strange at 5pm that I never did for the past 5 years! What have I done all these years inside the air-conditioned office infront of my laptop was the question. It seemed as if the whole of the time that has gone past is gone so fast. Why are we so addicted to the computer, one day without broadband and we are handicapped. Look at our dependencies..And we are talking of some billions of interconnected devices by 2015, each individual owning a PC- atleast for basic browsing purpose like a netbook (I am not doing an advertising for Intel's Atom here!), each student having a mini PC etc. Schools might not see a library anymore, there may be no more written exams, no visitors to book shops, just imagine where the world might be heading with the so-called technology.

Slightly digressing... now, there are thousands of villages in India. There are villages in which there are many old people who have been abandoned by their children, have no basic amenities, no way to earn and they cry at the sight of someone giving them a 10 Rupee note. Yes, this has happened and I am not exaggerating. There are people even in the so-called well developed cities like Bangalore who think that sending their girls to college will spoil them and stop their education at the school-level. They get them some work and get them married, making them slaves for the rest of their lives. And it is very difficult to change the minds of these people. There are people involved in building constructions who take their kids along to play in the heaps of mud and stones, who would never see school or learn to write or read. There are places where there is only one school without any proper facilities. Are there no rural development authorities or can nothing be done about it? Talk about NGOs- of course they do a good job, but there are remote places where they don't approach. These are basic problems and they will remain so, forever in this great land of ours.

And on the other hand, we will continue to enhance our technical knowledge, develop more concise, smaller, thinner, power-saving processors and laptops and handhelds with higher performance, continue partying, visiting countries, making more and more money and become technologically well advanced. We will continue to spend millions of dollars on sending someone for space walk, while these people in our villages will continue to be in the dark not able to digest the value of a 10 rupee note. It sounds ridiculous. How do we bridge this gap? Who will strive towards it? Who wants to strive towards improving this? How selfish we really are. We are sitting within our own small minds, thinking of how to better ourselves either technically or personally, but how do we attain overall growth? Why shouldn't we think big? When it comes to thinking big- we think- 'Ok, I will write GMAT and do an MBA from Harvard or do an MS from MIT and work for Apple in Cupertino!' Really big! Too big infact! Just some schooling and professional advancement? Is this all we can come to? Where is the real growth? Of course, we cannot go build a nation or change the lives of billions, but I feel we can definitely do something more than what we are doing. It requires a heart, some effort and if we are able to touch the hearts and lives of even a few people, it would give us immense pleasure and growth than designing a Macbook!

Strength

I wonder why can we not have some strength in us first?

Strength to grow, remain calm, to be dignified, strength to become the change you want to see, strength to live the way you want to, strength to control emotions, strength to talk sensibly, work intelligently, strength to be able to dettach ourselves to whatever at will, strength to be able to forgive, and the list goes on.

Basically, strength over the mind that will distinguish us from any other animal, strength that will let us face any situation without losing ourselves to it, yes, anything. Why call ourselves men and women when we hardly find some basic common sense in us, character in us, some morality in us? Doesn't this strength determine your so-called personality?

Oh yeah, some hint at the incident that made me say this, there was a funny incident (atleast to me it looked so)- when people laugh at something when there's actually no joke in it! I see this happen quite often though!
Applaud at some incident when there's nothing great happening. Going about wishing 'congrats' and 'great job' when there is actually nothing done (this is another common sight).. come on, why not ask ourselves if it makes sense first? I feel that some basic awareness of our behavior is a must! And some intellectual growth that will help us strengthen..

Anyway, does it really need so much strength to be able not to laugh when that is not a joke?!

Idea of classification

The idea of classification or should I say, the classification of ideas? Does an idea happen first or the classification? I dont seem to understand!

I happened to read an article that said- 'We humans do or speak or think wrong which is a sin'.

I am actually a bit confused on this and I tend to disagree on the intention of this statement.
Do we really know what we mean when we say- "Your thought is wrong and will result in sin" ?

We say- wrong, because we have a 'pre-conceived idea' that a thing is right and anything else is wrong. When we are not in a position to decide, we simply go with the ideas formed by a majority of the people and assume that they must be right. And they inturn would have assimilated those ideas from others and so on.

So, basically how do we define a 'right' or a 'wrong'? The definitions, of course, will always be relative. It is a common experience: if X talks about a behavior of Y that X didnt like, Y gets hurt, doesn't like the comment and says- 'X made a wrong statement and is a sinner'. This inturn hurts X, because he thinks he is right and he says the same thing to Y and they are in an endless loop. Now Z comes into the picture, analyses based on his owns conceptions and supports one of those, and so on.. which results in certains ideas being classified as 'right' and 'wrong'. So, each one comes in to a situation with his own ideas or his own great 'mind'..

..and it tries to filter out stuff!

I guess, the problem is that, the moment you start thinking, the idea already gets classified into one of those. The feeling of 'I thought a good thought', or 'I just had a bad thought' just happens along with the thought, most of the times. Thats probably why they say that- the moment you start thinking, you are in duality. You cant help it..I dont think you can help the situation.. I tend to keep asking myself- 'whose fault was it that I got to think?' But I keep getting the same answer-'that my question is incorrect'! It is the same as asking-'how did the one become two or many' and an answer cannot be expected..

I believe, that it is best if you can remain without trying to classify a thing as good or bad, high or low, because you know it must be relative.

The 'current'

I was discussing with my friend that we are never sure if the project we are working on today will not change tomorrow. We might actually end up working on something else tomorrow, so in this industry we are never sure.
The response I received - 'We always operate to our current target'. And yeah, isn't it obvious? The "current" might change tomorrow, but then we would still operate to our tomorrow's "current" target.

So, no matter what, whether we wish or not, we always live working on our "current" problems. We make a decision that is the best as per the "current" conditions. I would never repent for a decision that I took 10 years ago, although that might look silly today, because that was the best decision under the then "current" situations.

I believe that the "current" always remains the same for everyone, although the situations faced in the "current" changes from person to person. And it is this, I guess, that probably results in the so-called relative differentiation. But the "current" is all that remains constant...And I love this word 'constant'!

Evolution..or whatever..

It is but a very common experience in our so-called 'lives', that we have this habit of sometimes thinking about our past. And although our experiences would be different, we all invariably end up most of the time concluding that- we, for some reason were just a bit immature yesterday than what we are today ; that we could have faced a situation better, that we were so kiddish or silly or some such thing. And this, we sometimes call by the high-sounding terms like 'evolution'; that I have evolved! ..whatever that means, God alone knows..


We might complain that we are not happier or peaceful than what we were yesterday, but we somehow think that we are not as kiddish.. who knows, but I might come back to this blog tomorrow, only to think that I was still so kiddish today to write this out here..


Well, to be frank, I read a couple of my earlier blog postings, and felt they need not have been written and most of the content was rather immature, except for a few lines, which were sincerely straight from the heart..
They might be unnecessary now, but they made sense when they were written, so I think I can be fair to myself..

I guess that's the problem with the mind, that it dwells in the past, not knowing that even to think of the past, it has to make it the present and think. So, invariably, whether you are aware or not, whether you like it or not, you always live in the present, the 'NOW'..